What's Your Christmas Carol?

Your Christmas Song Is

Joy to the World Joy to the world, the Lord is come! Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare Him room, And heaven and nature sing, It's not about what you get under the tree But sharing love with family, friends, and strangers

What Christmas Carol Are You?

My new favorite grocery store

A past roomie and current roomie of mine kept talking about how great Trader Joe's was. I had never been there before but I always thought that some of the food they purchased looked good. I finally went there today, and I must say it has to be one of the best places to shop ever! The food I bought was fresh and tasty. A good portion of it is organic, and or it's just made really well and is fresh. Today I bought this frozen chicken to go with my lettuce wraps. YUMMY! It was like going out to eat, only I was at home and it cost me $5 tops for the lettuce and the chicken package. I also stocked up on their $2.99 award winning wine, and other yummy foods such as fresh goat cheese for salads. YUM. YUM!

If you haven't been there they have three locations: Brentwood, Chesterfield and one on Olive coming soon. Simply Delicious!

When it Rains it Pours

I've heard this saying from several people this week, and so it has stuck in my mind as the week is coming to a close and the 'vacation' begins. I have to wonder why "When it rains, it pours?" Let me pose some examples:

1. While I knew having a roommate would increase the utilities a little bit I never expected the following:

Satellite: $10 increase (supposed to be $5 inc.)
Mobile: $35 increase from going over minutes and using text messages
Gas Bill: $100 increase from last month
Electric Bill: $30 increase from last month
Car Insurance: $70 increase for the new policy (due to last year's accident)

I can only imagine what is coming next! YIKES!

2. Other stupid problems that are just annoying:

a. The website for my ins. company was screwy so I spent about 1.5 hours talking on the phone and trying to get the insurance set up. (ARGH!)

b. The chest of drawers I had purchased in June is having to get yet another replacement, this would be no. 3. The first was broken, so they replaced it. The second the top drawer cracked. Supposedly I'll be getting a new top drawer Friday after 2 MONTHS of waiting for a stupid little part that still hasn't come in.

c. Kitty cat needed declawing.

d. Christmas shopping.

e. Just trying to get around in traffic for normal every day stuff since everyone seems to think we should all get on the highway at the same time (luckily I just cancelled apointments and took back ways which were also 'backed up.'

f. Paying property taxes during the holiday season when you are already broke.

g. Having to make an insurance claim from being hit by someone else in someone else's car a week or two ago.

h. Having sinusitis/bronchitis all at the same time I'm supposed to be taking care of this stuff. (Although I went to the Dr. today so it should be gone sometime soon.)

When talking to my uncle about what would be the best/least coverage that I could afford for car insurance, he said "welcome to the real world." I told him I've been living in the real world for quite sometime and didn't need the reminder. It's not that I'm not aware of 'crap' that happens or don't expect, it's just that we can't afford it. He laughed and said, "tell me about it."

I hope everyone's holiday is going better than mine. I hope I don't sound ungrateful for being alive and that God has blessed me with the ability to eek by to pay for these things. It's just craziness! How can we ever expect to get ahead or do well, when there is ALWAYS something that bites you in the butt and takes all your 'preparedness' efforts down in one swoop?

Blah

Have you ever found yourself so busy that when you actually have free time you have no clue what to do? I guess maybe it's that I do know what I could do, it's just that since I have a choice, I then choose not to do anything. One more day until vacation (even if I'm going no where.)

Is it time for vacation yet?

I have 2 more days left before Holiday/ Christmas vacation whatever you want to call it. All I can say is, am I there yet?

Inspired by a friend

Last night I was thinking what have I really accomplished this last year and what do I want to have accomplished by next year's end.

Accomplishments this year:

1. Succeeded in teaching a new level of students
2. Lower my debt (happened very slowly, but I'm getting there)
3. Updated various parts of the house through painting
4. Bridesmaid in a wedding
5. Two float/camp trips to Black River and Huzzah Valley
6. Joined a choir (have a solo this weekend)
7. Survived lifes trials and tribulations
8. Learned how to shoot a shot gun (shot skeet)

What I still want to do:
1. Improve on my shooting abilities
2. Take a class or two next summer to add to my teaching resources
3. Take/pass the 2nd level technology program at school so I can get a G5 Mac (and cool programs) in my room :)
4. Continue to sing in a choir
5. Continue to lower my debt
6. Really figure out where I fit spiritually (been thinking about checking out a different church near me)

Other things I would like to do sometime:
1. Sky dive
2. Hot air balloon ride
3. Skiing: Water and Snow
4. Actually run the half marathon without my legs/hips going out
5. Visit a National Landmark: Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls etc.
6. See a show in NY on Broadway and/or the Metropolitan Opera

Angels were watching over me...

This last week led me to a couple scary experiences. I am confident in saying that God's angels were watching over me. On Thursday, I was coming back from helping Eric paint what was left in his house. Most of the snow was melted by salt at this time, and the area where I was was not very well lit. I was going about 35-40 when I hit a random patch of snow, slid across the other lane, and then turned left about 90 degrees. Luckily the person in front of me kept going and there wasn't anyone else around, otherwise I'd have been in for another crash landing. It makes me wonder if my car is really acceptable for driving in MO's weather conditions. I have had more problems in the snow with this car than any other car I've had, even the POS's.

On Saturday I was on my way to Layfette with some friends after visiting other establishments. My friend Liz S and I were in the back seat chatting away, when out of nowhere I felt the car being hit from the side. I really have no clue what happened, but I 'heard' the girl ran a red light because she almost hit the car in front of us apparently. Although she was dressed conspicuously I'm not sure why they didn't give her a breathalizer, as she seemed a little dramatic. Anyhoo, today my arm and neck are very sore, and once again I had to tell a chiropractor that I was in an accident. Thank God no one was seriously injured, and I'm glad I was smart to have two DD's around.

Overall this month has been flying by fast, has been very stressfully busy, and overall flat out strange. I am very thankful because things could have been worse those two nights. I am also very thankful that Eric was there, and was in a different car. It's very wierd to me than in a few weeks, this year will be over. Have I really accomplished anything worthwhile? What have I to say for myself? Is sometimes just making it through life's tests an accomplishment?

I have no time and other news

Last week was one crazy experience! I spent 90% of my time after work in rehearsal for the Philharmonic/ Gateway Men's Chorus/ St. Louis Women's Chorale Holiday pops concert. It turned out fabulous and was a sold out show. Unfortunately the programs were not updated, and so my name, among others, does not appear. On another note we have another concert series on the 17th and 18th of December. It will prove interesting being that I am singing a solo (yikes!) of which I would hope to do well.

On another note my roomie has finished unpacking, and I gave notice of my resignation for my weekend position. I found that I have been really worn out lately to the point of worrying a certain someone close to me. Also, while I enjoyed having the extra money to pay down some debt, the roomie aleves the pressure for me to continue wearing myself down to oblivion.

Today I experienced the symphony with my students and I was disappointed to have only heard one piece (The Sorcerer's Apprentice). While nicely done, I felt the students deserved more than one song for possibly their only experience of seeing a professional orchestra at Powell.

Well, as always, I am off. My small group is throwing a suprise shower for one of the girls having a baby boy. Adios!

Random Thoughts While Driving

Today I was on the way to my chiropractor/massage visit, which by the way are awesome! A commercial was on the radio about some show called "Millionaire" and what not. So it lead me to think about what would I do if I had a million dollars. (Yeah I guess that's cliche from the song.) I decided at the least I would pay off my debt. But then I was thinking, I might go back to school etc. Which then lead me to consider, if I had it to do all over again would I still choose the same profession? If school loans or other reality check items were not a factor, and I knew then what I know now, would I still go the same route toward my education?

The answer for now is, I'm not really sure. But consider this, if money didn't matter, what profession would you choose that would totally make you happy? I'm referring to a profession that you would wake up every morning during the week and think, man I love this job, I can't wait to go to work! Just thoughts. What are yours?

Situation Normal

I am very glad to say that I found a responsible roommate who placed her deposit with me today. We only wrote the lease until June 1, at which point I will decide if I will be staying in North County or moving on to other pastures. Thank you if you prayed for me to find a solution to this situation. It has alleviated a lot of pressure, especiallywith the pressure to do well at my weekend job.

On another note, if you need a nice, black retro dresser with mirror. It is availabe for purchase at a very nice price of $50. See link for pics.

Why I probably wouldn't move in with someone before marriage

Lately I've been hooked into reading Cosmo magazine. I was in the grocery store one day, bored, I picked it up for something to read. So this month I'm reading an article called "Is Five Years the New Forever?" by Jessie Knadler. She basically discusses how many newly-wed couples don't make it past five years these days. She lists 5 fatal flaws: Weak Foundation (bases for marriage a long time ago could be a strong point today), Point and Click Love (myth of the "Soul-Mate"), Trading up (rather than working through rough spots, you trade-up for someone else), "I Do"... for now (concept of the start marriage (only lasting 5 years) is accepted). Reading this article can throw anyone into 'caution' central, but for me I have found it just supports my current values.

Once upon a time, I did in fact choose to live with my beau of 2 years. I wanted to be out of the house and what better way that to live with the man I thought I loved? This being our 2nd time of living together (the first was a strangely unavoidable wierd scenario in college, which btw was a nightmare) I figured it would be better. For many reasons I felt the relationship was just not meeting my needs. I felt like I had to work around his insane work schedule, and I found myself not being very social with my friends who I knew were moving back to St. Louis from college. Once I began to make my own social life with friends (while he was working the night shift, so I rarely saw him) I realized that maybe I was in the relationship for the wrong reasons. He was a good guy, but I wanted to make sure we weren't just together to have a roomie. We were headed down the marriage path, but I wanted to be absolutely certain about the path we were about to embark on. So when he bought a nearby condo, I chose to move into my own apartment. We acted as close friends for a month, but then began to drift. I felt myself wanting to be single than on my way to marriage.

In the Cosmo magazine it states: "Many couples today live together before they marry (roughly 70 percent versus less than 5 percent 40 years ago, according to Stanley). Not that there's anything inherently wront with living together-plenty of happy unions result from it-but research shows that couples who do so before marrying have a 50 percent greater chance of getting divorced than those who don't." "... [People's] lives become so intertwined that they can end up sliding into marriage because it's convenient, not necesarily because the person will make a great spouse."

I know that I made the right decision 3-4 years ago, especially now that he is happily married and living in the Northern states, and I happily dating someone else. But I wonder would I consider moving in with someone else again? Or would I want them to move in with me? I guess it depends on the situation. I would not want to move out of convience, rather I would move because I couldn't stand to have another minutes drive apart (which right now is 40 minutes) and it was a lovingly-mutual decision. In other words, not a decision based on finances or some other agenda. Part of me says that it's a good idea, to make sure the person and I would be compatible living together. The other major part of me says no, because I think in taking a step that is originally meant for marriage the relationship-venture would be sure to fail. I say this based on the fact that in living together, you know there is a way out of a rough spots and would probably go the easy route (move out, end the relationship) rather than working something out. I'm not saying this goes for all relationships, each and every one is different. I personally would never buy the house together first and then get married. But then again, I've had a few friends do exactly that.

What's your take?

Date or Soul Mate?

Ok, yeah I admit, I read this book. While not bad and a fast read, some of it seemed pretty obvious to me. None-the-less it gave me some good questions to ponder. Anyone want to borrow it? I'm done with it now, and it will just collect dust.

High Tension

Last night I rented the movie called High Tension. A. I didn't realize that it was a French film translated to English with audio dub and B. I thought it was really pretty dumb. I'd say I lost interest after the first 20-30 minutes. The plot is very thin in the beginning and goes straight into the gory killing of the family. There is a twist at the end, but it's not very hard to figure out. While I would say the movie could be deemed 'tense' I wasn't too impressed with it. So much for taking the advice of the person at Blockbuster. I'd be better off sticking to my choices with the online rentals in my queue. Next up, The Upside of Anger.

Post Script: I actually ended up watching Fever Pitch tonight instead. It was really a good movie, but then again I like romantic comedy. :)

Top 10 Must-Haves, Can't Stands

I'm reading this book which encourages figuring out what you want in a relationship. Here is a tentative list of my top 10 "Must-Haves" and top 10 "Can't Stands." What are yours? Feel free to post anonymously, just make sure you are appropriate. P.S. If somehow these lists offend, consider this sentence an apology.


Top 10 "Must Haves"

1. Christian

2. Communicator, emotionally open

3. Ambitious

4. Intelligent, at least on my level or smarter

5. Respectful

6. Equally viewed, yet financially traditional

(i.e. will buy me a drink or pay for most dates)

7. Sense of humor

8. Open to trying/learning new things

9. Trustworthy

10. Chemical Spark, attractive appearance

Top 10 "Can't Stands"

1. Verbally or physically abusive

2. Bottled emotions, emotionally distant

3. Apathetic

4. Control-freak, plays games

5. Drug/Alcohol Addict

6. Has no common sense i.e. how to wash dishes, rake leaves, change a light fixture

7. Self-absorbed in own interests

8. Complete slob

9. Does not follow through on commitments

10. Unwilling to ‘go out of the box’

i carry your heart with me

Red Canna, c. 1923, oil on canvas, 36" x 30"

i carry your heart with me
e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Probiotics, Who knew?

I'm sure you know that birth-control pills can have varying side-affects. Some are good, like having better skin, lighter cycles, and less painful experiences each month. Some are bad like leg cramps, bloating, among other things. Well I was off the pill for a while because I had made a mistake that was causing me to experience early term pregnancy symptoms, otherwise known as morning sickness. Stop taking the pill, the problem goes away. After my system reblanced itself, I went back on it, and experience a side-effect that I had forgotten all about. This problem happened to me before 3 years ago with the same brand so I decided to go with Jasmine.

Anyway as you all know I'm also prone to getting sick quite a bit. My mom suggested taking probiotics. I thought it interesting that by taking this supplement not only are my side-effects diminishing, I'm sure they will be gone once the supplement is completely in my system and my body gets used to the new hormonal balance from the new pill. Look at all the things that taking this pill does:

Probiotics play a key role in human nutrition and health in balancing the intestinal microflora naturally. Probiotics have been used therapeutically to modulate immunity, improve digestive processes, lower cholesterol, treat rheumatoid arthritis, prevent cancer, improve lactose intolerance, and prevent or reduce the effects of atopic dermatitis, Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, IBS, diarrhea, constipation as well as candidiasis and urinary tract infections⁽²¹⁾.

I'll let you know how it works out in the long run, but itsn't it worth a try? This one pill might help keep me from getting sick at school and do all these other things mentioned above, not to mention eliminate my original problem :)

I have been blessed!

I'm not sure why I deserve it, but God has been blessing me lately with some wonderful things. This weekend I happened to win the Weekends Only warrantee contest for the month. I was in desperate need of a boom box, and voila, there it was, for free! On top of that it was a comission check and I had taken the a whole weekend off for that pay period so it wouldn't have been much money normally. I hadn't been expecting the commission so it was like a blessing of surprise, I had time to relax and still have the money to get by.

God has also blessed me with relatively good health, vocal health in particular. People around me who have had difficulties that I prayed for seem to be doing better. I have also found a possible roommate, and look forward to meeting her. Let's not forget that I have also been lucky to meet a very great guy who treats me wonderfully :)

I just wanted to give a shout out to God for all the great things He has done for me, especially recently. I'm not used to not having some 'major catastrophe' (ok, well, huge concern) that I'm not completely worried about. Somehow I just really feel God has things under control, and right now He's allowing me time to recoup from whatever craziness I've been experiencing in the past year. Yeah! If you have been praying for my friends, family, and I Thank you!

Happy Halloween!

After having such a very busy last week and weekend, thi past weekend was just what the Dr. ordered. I had Friday off work and did basically nothing all day. Then I went to see The Medium, which is an opera with a darker side. It was really good. Saturday I went to Jen's Halloween party and saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a really long time. I had forgotten I chopped off all my hair until I had a bunch of compliments on it. Danielle at Regis in NW Plaza is awesome! Sunday was yet another relaxing day. Eric and I were going to go skeet shooting, but the powerlines were zapped so the houses would not throw the skeet correctly. Instead I took him to visit the rest of the family: mom, brother, grandma and then we ate dinner in his neck of the woods.

On another note, I'm seriously going to complain to the city about the fire hydrant less than a foot from my driveway. This weekend marks 3 people (including myself) that have hit the hydrant in 2 years. Even the people who lived here before me ran into it. I tried reflector sticks, the kids took them to play games. I put reflective tape on the hydrant itself and then the city painted over it. This thing has GOT TO GO! What a nusance! What genius came up with the idea of putting a hydrant at the end of a driveway less than 12 inches away from the concrete I'd like to know?

(1947) Gian Carlo Menotti
	The sun is falling and it lies in blood The moon is weaving bandages of gold Old Black Swan where oh where is my lover now Where oh where is my lover now Torn and tattered is my bridal gown and my lamp is lost With silver needles and with silver threads The stars stitch a route for the dying sun Old Black Swan where oh where is my lover now I had given him a kiss and a golden ring And a golden ring I had given him a kiss of fire and a golden ring Oh with silver needles and with silver threads The stars stitch a route for the dying sun Black Wing o Black Wing take me down with you Take me down with you take me down with you Take me down with you Old Black Swan take me down with you I had given him a kiss of fire Take me down with you

Painting and more painting

Alright so in the past few weeks I've managed to finally get the deck stained. It only took 6 hours (only), but it looks good. I also happened to paint the ceilings in the living room, kitchen, and hallway. Did I mention I also primed, and painted the entire basement this last weekend? I know it sounds exciting, but that's what I've been up to.

My birthday was great! I met some friends at Druken Fish and feasted on a wonderful dinner. Unfortunately it was in Westport so I didn't feel the need to leave the area for better pastures afterwards but I really appreciate my friends coming and hanging out with me. Sunday was comprised of finishing the basement (that I started Friday night), and then I went to Home Depot with Eric to help him pick paint for his house. Yeah, more painting is in store, but it's ok, it'll be worth it!

Tuesday I went to the Melting Pot with Liz and Kyle. I hadn't seen them since August, WOW! It's been a crazy weekend, followed by a crazy week. Well I know this is isn't poetic or deeply inspiring, but I don't have time to write anything really worthwhile, but I wanted an update of something. :)

Happy Halloween!

Prayer request

I recently was told some disheartening news from a couple of my friends. One has lost a grandpa to a heart attack, and one has just lost her mother to terminal cancer (she passed in her sleep). If you are the praying kind, please pray for my friends and their families in this difficult time. Thanks!

Think on the Truth, Train Your Thoughts, and Love God with All Your Mind

I went to small group tonight and was very thankful for the Lord providing me with enough strength and commitment to go. I felt guilty and tired working Sundays so I worked out my schedule so that I could be at church (ie have a day of rest) and still work the minimum hours required. I just hope that I can make up for my lack of a roommate with this cutting down of my hours and still make sales (being that Sunday was my best Sales day.)

Anyway, my small group is studying the book Loving God with All Your Mind. The concepts within are so simple, yet challenging ways by which one can look toward God and His Word for strength. It is not only my goal to at least attend Small Group where possible, but to really commit to studying the message of what we read and converse about it with other Christians.

I find it difficult to sustain my committment because I'm surrounded by a world that is less supportive of spiritual life. I could really use an accountability partner or someone who is understanding, yet pushes me to continue on my journey. I find my spiritual journey to be very zig-zag as opposed to continued steady growth. I will admit that I am growing, it's just really slow. There are concepts I have a hard time grasping, and in this study we are to think on what is true.

Philippians 4:8
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworhty- thing about such things.

The book encourages us to think on things that are ture and real, rather than allowing our emotions and feelings to bring us down. Chapter 3 discussed relationships with others, not 'relationships' per se, but how you relate to others. For example do you ever find yourself thinking: " I don't think he/she means what she/he said; I wonder what I've done wrong; I wonder what he/she thinks about me; I wonder what he/she wants from me," etc. The Bible tells us to discuss our problems with someone privately (avoid gossip) (Matt 18:15).

Do you just find your self over-analyzing situations or interactions with people and then you are worried about how things are going? Yeah, that's me in a nut-shell, at least I'm inwardly cautious hoping that I don't say the wrong things or hurt someone accidently or stick my foot in my mouth. Rather than speculating, we need to focus on the truth, actual experiences and actions not worrying what others think. We should stop second-guessing our relationships. If there is a problem, we have a committment as Christians to disucss it with that person. We should believe the best and take things as truth, and not as perceived truth.

Sounds simple right? I guess I'm always second-guessing myself and how people really feel about me. Am I doing the right thing? Am I a good teacher? Did I say something to hurt someone else by accident? I just need to hope that God will give me insight toward anyone I may have inavertenly or avertly wronged so that I can confront them and resolve any wrong doing or that that person would tell me honestly if I've wronged them.

I'm really glad that my school is doing an 'appreciation' month wherein we all write something nice to someone (via pick-a-name from a box) every week. I think we all get caught up in our work that weget bogged down and don't feel appreciated for what we do, nor have the time to really express appreciation. I've received some very nice comments from people, and I really didn't know that I was 'uplifting and cheerful' and 'brought musical fun for the students.' I guess I'm always second-guessing myself because of the past, and this chapter basically states that it brings you down as a person and is not the way to be loving God.

My goal is to readjust my thinking and think on the truth, be more confident in myself and just 'relax'. I've heard from a few people who find me to be a very positive person, but I guess just deep down I didn't believe the truth. So, I'm going to try to think on the truth, and I hope God helps me make it happen :)

Other verses I need to remember:

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

They were adopted :)

In case you were wondering, Zorro was adopted a couple weeks ago by a very excited family and I just found out LeLu was adopted this Saturday. I'm very happy that my animals found loving homes so quickly and that I made the right decision by turning to Doggy Doodles for help.

GO CARDS!

What an awesome game tonight! I was in choir for most of it, but I caught the 7-9 innings! How cool was the home run by Pujols? AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

Looming Stress

If you remember reading earlier my roommate used a lame excuse (even though the problem has been rectified) to move out of her lease early so she could live with her boyfriend. I agreed on certain conditions so as not to cause a 'scene.' Needless to say, I'm short a roommate starting Nov. 1 and I'm very concerned about my financial standing after she is officially moved out. I have an ad on Craig's list, but am skeptical of some of the responses. I'm really stressing out, and don't know really what to do. I don't think it would be wise to try to sell a house right before Christmas and on top of that I don't know where I'd go simply because living here is technically so cheap. I'm not really paying that much more than my apartment from before (well before I'm sure rates went up) but as you know I made some bad financial choices by putting my nursing school pre-reqs on a credit card (how dumb was that!). Anyway, financially I'm making progress, but it was all based on having a roomie until her lease was up and now I find myself worried about floundering again. Please pray for me that I can manage my finances wisely with my weekend job, and that I don't fall apart health wise from working so much and attempting to keep sane by having a social life. I really hope I can find a roommate, I just need one for 6 months, and than I'm considering selling. I've already finished some projects I started a while back (ceilings are now freshly painted and I finally got the deck done). I have 2 more which is to paint the basement and the kitchen cabinets just to update them a bit (not that they are really bad now). I could really use your prayers and support. -A

I'm Back!

I survived another 4 days of 5th grade camp! It was fun, but really exhausting this time. I think some of it was because we had more students this year. I really enjoyed seeing the students in another light and getting to know the other teachers even more than I get to at school. I ate so many s'mores I can't even count, but they were delicious! This is why I must teach camp crafts, what is more fun than making food all day and teaching kids how to do it themselves on their own fires ;)

On another note, I'm preparing to finally paint the basement. I thought about it for a while and the paneling has to be painted. I'm going with a white-beige color. I think it will brighten things up a bit. I decided to also change my hours at Weekends, so at least I'll have one day off a week. I finally told them I'd like to do customer service, and the manager asked me if I had management experience (ie she's leaving and they are looking for someone new), but alas I already have a full-time job. I do have lots of customer service experience, and I manage my own classroom, but that's about it.

10 more days until I'm 28! YIKES!

Good things come to those who wait...

This last week was eye-opening for me. Someone I have come to cherish and care about was out-of-town for almost two weeks. It made me realize how much I valued this person's presence in my life and how much happier and appreciative I was when we are able to spend quality time together. I look foward to many more good times and future memories. God has definitely bestowed his blessings upon me as of late. Thank you God!

On another note this last weekend I went to surprise and old friend from TSU marching band. Becky from SAI suggested that we go surprise him at the homecoming game in which his marching band was playing. Being with some of my college friends brought back a lot of old memories. When we were sitting on the bleachers during the game, it felt like almost nothing had changed between us or at least how we related. I was reminded of many-a-great band cheer and certain traditions which found themselves in the cobwebs of my memory. "Super rutabaga, super rutabaga, super rutabaga, ru-ta-ba-ga!" will now be carried on at my friend's high school thanks to us.

"Wow, what a GREAT band!" :)

Events to look foward to:

Bloodhound Gang at the Pageant
My 28th Birthday (I guess)
HALLOWEEN!!!!

Sex in the City

Yesterday I was a little down in the dumps for various reasons. I was just tired, cranky and a close friend of mine is out of town. I decided to take a nap when I awoke to a message being left on my answering machine. Apparently it was "Tom" from the Farmington Correctional Facility wanting to make a collect call. Obviously a wrong number, I proceeded to laugh really hard and watch the "Sex in the City" DVD's I bought after work. I decided I needed a pick-me-up so I bought them while doing errands. I then drank almost a bottle of wine watching all of Season 6. Nothing like some good cinema therapy to at least make the day bearable.

On another note I've been receiving calls out-of-the-blue from people I haven't conversed with in a bit. The most surprising one was hearing from my friend Tim in TX who is visiting St. Louis shortly. It was good to hear that he was doing ok, and the hurricane hadn't affected his area. It makes me wonder, how much more of an effort does it take to keep up with people who don't live even remotely close to you as compared to those who do but are really busy? I have a friend here in St. L that most of us haven't heard from in a year. Just a random thought.

Gwyneth Walker

The St. Louis Women's Chorale is going to NY City to perform in Carnegie Hall with Gwyneth Walker. Today I was searching for the piece (this link is our group singing) our group commissioned for the 30th anniversary performance. (Note: From here on, the links are NOT of St. Louis Women's Chorale singing!) This is one of my favorites thus far.

I really enjoy the texts and the settings to which she composes. Here is a set of six poems all by May Swenson set to music by Gwyneth Walker. I included a link to the poems (this time) because I had them all typed and then something happened with blogger and it erased everything. Being later at night, I have not the patience to rewrite everything. Listen and enjoy (well, some performances could use a bit of adjustment for my ear, but you get the idea anyway).

1. Women Should Be Pedestals
2. Mornings Innocent
3. The Name is Changeless
4. Love is a Rain of Diamonds
5. In Autumn
6. I Will Be Earth

Sang a solo in choir today

Today I went to choir and was conversing with a fellow friend and singer when our director asked me if I could sing a solo for one of the songs we were going to rehearse that night. I hadn't looked at the song (or even heard it before), and he taught us the solo in 2 minutes (there was another solo part at the same time as mine). I accidently came in a beat early the first session, but figured it out the second time. People said I have a really nice warm tone. It was a little nerve wracking but I think that's just because it took me off gaurd at first. That, and suddenly I'm getting this stuffed up nose thing that started just a few hours ago. I think it's allergies but I'm taking "Airborne" just to be safe. Anyway all went well, and I was really excited about it afterwards. This doesn't mean I'll always be singing it, but it was fun just the same. You think that being a vocal music major and a teacher of music that I wouldn't be nervous, but I was for at least a couple minutes. It just felt good to 'stick myself out there' and do pretty decently. I almost even miss singing for all the weddings that I had done in the past. Maybe I'll start up taking voice lessons again if I can afford it and have time. I could use a few pointers since I'm sure my voice has matured/ changed a bit since I last had lessons in college.

I just wanted to share this little tidbit. I know it's nothing exciting in the long-term scheme of things, but I felt good about it and wanted to share the news. I think I might even audition for it if given the chance :)

Oct. 1 Baseball Game

I was lucky enough to have taken off work Saturday for another reason, and was able to go to the A-B Family Baseball game on October 1st. The weather was perfect and it was great game. I took a bunch of photos for memory sake (before they tear down the stadium) and am sharing a few here. I'm not sure why the old one has to go, but I'll miss it just the same, simply for the memories I experienced going there. I was hoping just to make at least one game this season, and I lucked out with 2 in one week. Gotta love it!

Pets are officially gone...

Zorro and LeLu are now owned by Doggy Doodles until they are adopted into wonderful, loving permanent homes. While 1 person disagreed with my choice, everyone on the whole has been very supportive. It was a very hard decision to make, but at least they will stay fostered in someone's home until a forever-home is found. I realized that Cheyenne was my 'one true love' in terms of pets, but I think perhaps she was found and whoever found her never bothered to check the microchip :( For now, Cosetta will be my loving kitty, and that is enough for me.

While I miss them, I know it was the right thing to do.

Skeet League is starting, which means I'm probably 'out' for a bit

Well today was a very strange day at the range. It will probably be one of the last times I visit the Maple Leaf Gun Club until another type of league begins. No more will there be the Thursday night ritual. :( My Dad of course invited me to come Thursday since they will most likely need an alternate, they say I shoot better than this other person, which is not saying much. I have definitely improved, but today I felt like I was almost starting from scratch. I needed a bit of coaching from my Dad, and then, bam I was back on track again. Wierd how that works, but I guess these people have been doing this since they were 10 and I'm still very much 'wet behind the ears.'

Unfortunately it means I'll probably lose a bit of what I learned, but maybe it'll give my brain some time to sink it all in. League is actually based on averages, so if I beat my average it would actually help the team, which is why I think they wouldn't mind having me on here and there. Besides, my Dad shoots on a team which goes for fun mostly, so they're usually around last place according to him. Anyway it means I won't be able to see my two favorite people as much, and give me time to de-stress, but there is always TKB class!

These next couple weeks will be an adjustment for me for various reasons. I can't wait to go to Camp again with the kids this year, it's definitely something I'm looking forward to. I need a little break from the routine, I can feel it. Well anyway, it's late. I was up doing chores, and felt like writing before bed. 'Night.

Really Busy

Wow I didn't realize that I was so busy! I didn't realize that all of my friends have written all these posts on their blogs and I didn't even have time to notice. Normally I'm almost 'waiting' to hear about how they are doing. Crazy! I like being busy, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Shayna's blog (see link under "links") hit home for me. Luckily God is doing good things in my life right now, I just hope it stays that way. I don't know how many more crushes to my heart that I can take. I feel that I am a resilient person, but with each blow, with each failure I become more sensitive and less confident in who I am to the core. I would say more things on this blog, but I'm worried I'll jinx myself. I'll just say thank God for my Dad being who he is!

Pets are going going gone....

I'm gearing for change and two of my pets have to go. They will be offered up for adoption at PetSmart in Ballwin (doggy doodles are taking them as of Saturday) if you want to offer them a home, great. If not I hope they can find them one. I have too many pets and I have no time to take care of them. I will be down to one after this.

Here's their info, email for pics:

LeLu: 4 year old Himalayan cat, spayed, microchipped, UTD until Dec. Friendly, but likes things on her own terms, used to other animals, fur requires grooming.

Zorro: 4 year old ChiMix, 20 lbs, neutered, microchipped, UTD until Aug. 2006. SUPER friendly, active, and loves to cuddle, knows tricks, and is kennel trained.

Animals have to go, my roommate as a problem with them, and I just don't have the time anymore that they deserve. I will miss them, but this has to be done. Regardless, my roomie moving out by end of Oct. I am also considering moving, and will be able to tell you more later as time passes.

Barely Oct, and I'm wearing down fast!

I can't believe it's almost October, says my brain, however my body is totally feeling it. I'm finally over the stomach thing and I have reason to believe my voice will be back to completely normal (sounds normal now, just tires easily) by the end of this week. I've been going to bed early and drinking tons of water, you'd think that would mean I'd feel more energized, yet I'm exhausted. It's only 530 and I'm forcing myself to stay up to even write this. I refuse to take a nap! Maybe I'm tired because my appetite left me these last few days. Maybe the kids are wearing me down (today was just madness!). I'm not sure, but I'd like to know where my energy is going.

Sometimes I feel like I'm running around in circles with no end in site. I think a good part of this is because I'm stressed with a particular situation I was not planning for until March 1. I don't want to go into it here, but needless to say it has me quite worried. Wheareas my part-time job was to help me pay off my bills finally, now it will be to 'just get by' again, and that scares me to no end. I'm going so far as to consider selling my house in the Spring. I've been feeling a need for change for a while, I just don't know what to do with it, or why exactly I'm feeling it.

A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart. -Opening scene of "Faust"

I had the above quote in my email signature. Everytime I see it on a return email I forget that it was from a previous email from me. I found a new signature for my email, but took another second to reflect on this one before cutting it. As I was reading I thought, how true, a person does see the world based on what they are carring in their hearts. Despite the fact that I feel sick and worn down (already, I know), I am happy. I am very grateful for all the wonderful people that I have in my life, and grateful for all those who may someday be in my life. A particular person whom I've known only for a couple months has been showing me what happiness is simply by being in existence. I find myself being more patient at work, being on the whole more smiley, and I'd even say more outgoing and less shy with people I don't know as well. Yeah, me shy you say? Yes, I can be shy in certain situations. I'm not sure if it's because I'm more confident of myself at work or because I am more confident because of this person, but either way I find myself being someone I didn't even know existed and I'm loving it! I pray that I am able to recover from this evil bout of stomach upsets because it's really affecting my voice with acid reflux and all. But I pray even more that I continue on this path. I am so happy it's crazy! Thank you God, I love you!

I'd lose my head if it weren't attached :)

This past week and weekend were very very busy, but it was all fabulous. I am finding myself worn out, but in tremendously good spirits because of my close friends and family. I've had some somewhat bad news come my way, but I chose to be calm and compromise with the individual from whom the bad news came. All in all, I think we had a good discussion.

Friday I worked a few hours and purchased these screens to hide the litter box locations. I took Saturday and Sunday off for my various activities as follows, and what a GORGEOUS weekend it was! Saturday I went to finally pick up my contacts which had been at the Dr.'s for about 2 months. As I went to also finally get my tire fixed (it had a leak) from a camping trip two months ago, I did a bit of shopping. Unfortunately my car needed more than just a leak fixed, but I could see and hear the problems so I knew it wasn't just mindless additions. I then caught up with my roomie, and by that time I hurried to get ready for dinner and for ColdPlay. (I saw Rebecca on my way out of the concert, but she didn't recognize me with my hair, oh well.) I hadn't been to a concert at UMB, it was really nice to be there. The weather was gorgeous, the music fabulous, and a big full moon shone down on us to keep us company. Today I went to Dennis' surprise 30th b-day party, visited my parents and went to see 40 Year Old Virgin, which I recommend if you need a laugh.

I managed to get food poisoning or stomach flu Friday and really haven't recovered. Eating has not been fun so I'm going to the Dr. tommorow. I've had so much acid reflux that my voice is hoarse, and when things mess with my voice, I start to get paranoid. Wish me luck!

Kitty has a home

No one ever claimed poor kitty as posted below despite my internet posts and St. Louis Post ad, however, someone from school came by today to give her a loving home. I am sure my roommate will be pleased. I guess she thought I was planning to keep the young cat, but quite the opposite. I heard her murming to a friend on the phone when she came in and I was still working on being awake. I'm sorry but I'm not about to let a poor animal starve and die of dehydration from the heat. Either way my limit was tommorow in terms of finding her a home, and it happened just in time.

On the other hand, I had a really nice past week and weekend. Everything is just flying by and I'm loving it. I hope to improve my skeet shooting skills, as my high house shots have been just the pits. My goal is to attempt to get some time in Thursday once everyone is done with their games, but we'll see. I finally got rid of some things my parents wanted me to sell, but still have a couple others that are driving me nuts just 'being around.' I also had about 6 inches cut from my hair and got rid of the highlights. I just decided I needed a change. You should go to Regis in NW Plaza and see Danielle (the manager) she did an excellent job! Ok so that's it for random news. I could say more, but who wants to listen to me blab.

Found Kitten

Found kitten (young cat)

I found this kitten (very young cat) around my house today. If you know the owner, or want to give it a home, let me know. It was very friendly, but I'm sure will need to be checked by a vet.

Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet... What?

Here we go now what? No, I'm not talking about THAT skeet. I'm talking about skeet shooting. While I seem to have reached a plateau (getting better at some points, worse in others), I think skeet shooting is FUN! I have two friends already who want to come with me. [Julie and Kate, my Dad said he would teach you on a 'slow' day we just have to arrange it (probably a Tuesday about 600p.)] Anyway, this Thursday my Dad is out of town so I'm on my own. I'm a little nervous, but the guys will help me (they never fail to give pointers :) and are patient with my faults because they know I'm new. I've only shot a gun 5 times in my life now, and I'm only up to about 15 rounds or so. It takes about 50k rounds to get good, if that tells you anything, so they all think I'm doing pretty well. I don't understand why I can no longer hit the easiest station, and I'm getting better at the others. Oh well what can you do?

I think I have several things to work on (which could probably be anyone): figuring out the lead with the timing at each station, swinging all the way through the shot (instead of stopping when I shoot), and making sure I'm not bring the gun's aim down to the target, but up to it (for some reason I kept doing that Monday). Lots to work on, what a fun new hobby. Wish I were better at it, sometimes it can be frustrating, but hey it's all guys so they don't care if I throw out a few explicatives because they do the same thing ahahahah!

Craziness everywhere!

I HAD to buy gas today. Guess how much to fill a 13 gallon tank? $40! This is ridiculous! I'm scared to even go anywhere far now just because I'm hearing of gas shortages, and now it's $40 just for a tank of gas. This is at least 2x what I have prepared in my already tight budget. On top of that we have this craziness happening with the disaster in the southern states. I was talking to someone last night while on "The Walk" and they said that if you applied the catastrophe here, basically the entire city of St. Louis, east St. Louis, and it's nearby counties would be flooded with water! WOW! Here's a letter if you are interested in helping. Unfortunately I have to work so I can't help, but maybe you can. Who's making fun of me now for choosing to live close to my work? I am just in shock that gas went up literally .40 in 2 days (I knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier:(

From Habitat for Humanity:

Hello All,

I am a St. Louis Habitat Volunteer and am organizing a Health Kit and Flood Bucket drive to be held this Saturday and Sunday, Sept. 3 and 4th, 9:00am-9:00pm each day, at the Deer Creek Shopping Center parking lot, between Big Bend and Laclede Station Rd, in Maplewood, MO. (Across the street from Maple Days.) We'll be collecting kitsand items for kits that meet the guidelines set by United Methodist Committee on Relief (UMCOR) (www.umcor.org) or see below. These kits have the essentials needed to take a small step towards recovery after a disaster.

*Volunteers are needed at the collection site, and may have to assemble the kits from donated materials.

*One or two hour shifts would likely be the ideal arrangement, but if you can stay longer it would be great!

* Time is of the essence.

*Can't volunteer? Stop by the collection site and say "hi" in any case.

Please pass this information along to anyone you know. If you know of any business willing to donate materials or other supplies, please pass this on. There is much still to do.

Below are the lists for Flood Buckets and Health Kits.

Health Kits are a PRIORITY.

Please respond if available to volunteer.

Thank you,

Dale Chambers

c. 314-724-1905

Guidelines for Health Kit

A Health Kit contains specific items:

1 hand towel (15" x 25" up to 17" x 27")
1 wash cloth
1 comb (large and sturdy, not pocket-sized)
1 nail file or fingernail clippers (no emery boards or toenail clippers)
1 bath-size bar of soap (3 oz and up)
1 toothbrush (single brush only in original wrapper; no child-sized brushes)
1 large tube of toothpaste (4.5 or larger, expiration date must be 6 months or longer in advance of the date of shipment to Sager Brown)
6 adhesive plastic strip sterile bandages

All items should be placed inside a sealed one-gallon plastic bag. No money, notes, religious or political literature, or other items should be placed in the kits.

From the Humane Society:

Emergency Foster Homes Needed
Cats, dogs, horses and farm animals displaced by Hurricane Katrina need temporary homes

The Humane Society of Missouri has received numerous calls from people who have fled the Hurricane Katrina disaster area and have arrived in St. Louis needing temporary boarding for their pets. To aid these storm victims, we have set up an Emergency Foster Animal Clearinghouse to help match persons with animals needing boarding with persons who have available space.

If you are willing to help people with pets, horses or farm animals in need and have facilities to provide for them, please sign up as a foster home via our web site. We will contact you as we have requests for the service you are able to provide.

Thank you very much for your generosity in this time of great need. Please forward this email to others who might be interested in providing foster animal care.

If you would like to donate to help support the eight-person Humane Society of Missouri Disaster Response Team currently rescuing animals in the hurricane stricken area, please call 314-951-1542 or make a contribution on our secure website. Read more>>

PLEASE NOTE: Because this is an emergency situation, the Humane Society of Missouri is acting merely as a clearinghouse and makes no guarantee about the health or suitability of animals or suitability of foster homes.

Fly Away

I came home today played a broken MM C7 chord or (C7+?) and randomly sang this song. Wish I could elaborate farther but, apparently I just need to sing that little bit to express myself. Some of the songs I teach are really short, so I guess my little random song is perfectly fine the way it is. Too bad I don't have any good software to share it with you. I don't even know how to make a .wav file using my voice on a PC. I can do it on a Mac though :)

Fly, fly away

Fly, fly away

Let me fly up in sky away

Free to be whoever, whatever I may

Fly, fly away

Oh, fly, fly away

Copyright ©2005 Amy M. Bauer

Shrimp Alfredo

Wow, I must have made one of the best dinner's I've ever had today. I had no clue what I was doing, but it turned out delicious!!!!!! Here's the 'approximate' recipie:

Half Box of Fettucine Noodles
1/2 Jar of Classico Four Cheese Alfredo
40 pre-cooked shrimp (thaw in water)
7 0z can of Georgio Chunky Portobello Mushrooms
5 chopped marinated artichokes quarters
1 tsp (aprx) Thyme
1 tsp (aprx) Savory
1 tsp (aprx) Basil
1 tsp (aprx) Oregano
3-4 cloves of garlic (meaning the little peices from one clove) minced fresh


Boil the noodles (put in 1 TBLSP of Olive oil and salt to avoid stickage, don't forget to stir). After thawing shrimp in cold water, take off tails and put in frying pan. Add artichokes, mushrooms, garlic cloves, and sauce. Mix ingredients and then add spices to taste, stir again. Bring to a simmer and cover for approximately 10 minutes (continue to stir on occaision) on low. Once the noodles are done, add to taste the amount of shrimp/alfredo mix you want. Add parmesean cheese on top to taste.

Man this was good! I felt like I was 'out to eat.'

My place in this world

It's very strange but I really feel that I have found where I am supposed to be. I was so tired today after this weekend, but it really wasn't so bad because it seemed the students and other teachers were tired as well. I don't know if I'm more patient/understanding or because I was their teacher last year so I have more respect or because I've found better ways to keep them focused, but my students seem to be 'right with me.' They are like sponges and I'm loving it. It's maybe the 3rd-4th time they've seen me this year and I have them counting rhythms, reviewing solfege syllables, reviewing or introducing musical terms, or exploring dancing/movement and steady beat. I wouldn't say any of them are 'angels' just that they seem to have miracuously remembered a good deal of what I taught them last year and it feels great! I can see some students will be more challenging than others but I already feel very attached to them like they are my own. I really didn't know teaching could be this way. I was so bogged down for my first three years that I really didn't have much chance to enjoy it other than the obvious successes and really good days. I love working with my students, and I pray one way or the other the enrollement or other opportunities within the district will keep me full time (hopefully at my school since I love it there!) next year.

I didn't imagine that I would actually figure out where I was supposed to be in life. For a while I really felt that I made the wrong choice and I should have gone the nursing route. I still have time to go back to school before my anatomy class 'expires' but I'm really not so sure that is what I want. I enjoy where I am and want to give as much as I can to my students (well within reason :) I am also working on getting my debt down to minimum. I ran into a couple students this weekend at my weekend position, and they seemed really excited seeing me outside of school. It was cute. I'm hoping I'm successful there enough to at least stay on for as long as I need/want to in order to accomplish my debt-reducing goals. Somehow I have a feeling my life will be completely "up in the air" next year. I don't know why or how exactly, but I have a feeling it will involve a move, a new job, or something different as in 'major' change. Usually I'm right about my intution so I'm trying to make this year count one way or the other. My intuition is about as 'right on' as me predicting various marriages with friends or predicting outcomes of something might say to me before they even say it. This is the feeling I'm getting, and it could be God's way of saying "get ready, change is coming fairly soon."

I don't know what change I'm not doing anything different. Nothing 'major' has really happened to me like a new boyfriend, or move, or new car type thing. Maybe my change is more of an inner change. Either way I really feel something is coming whatever it is, and I have to be ready. I feel that whatever I'm doing now, is getting me ready for whatever it is. I know that sounds wierd and vague but it's how I feel, and I know it means something of significance. Anyway, as I was thinking of writing this blog, I heard this song in my head. Of course, everything must relate to a song being who I am. Here it is:


My Place in this World performed by Michael W. Smith


The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that’s hopeful
A head that’s full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like i’m

Chorus:
Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong
Is there a vision
That I can call my own
Show me i’m

Chorus

Weekend Update

Wow this weekend was absolutely crazy! Like I was saying in previous posts I really haven't had time to 'stop and smell the roses.' Any free time I have is very limited and usually invovles a chore getting completed at home.

Friday night I finally got my oil changed. It was only 4-5k behind. The line was so long I decided to have my nails done whilst I waited. So now I have nice looking fake nails and french maincured feet. Not sure if I can handle the nails, but we'll see how long they last. I was going to attend a friend's b-day celebration but by the time she called me I fell asleep I was just that tired. Saturday I worked at WEO, and more than made my weekend with one sale. I then went to volunteer at "The Lot" sponsored by Metropolis. It was fun to see everyone, drink free, and just hang out. After taking Jen and her friend home, I crashed in bed for a nice sleep. Sunday I worked again, and did fairly well. Note to self: just because the store is out of merchandise doesn't mean it's my fault :0)

So now I'm chilling for 2 seconds writing this before I mow the lawn. I'm debating on working out because technically I'm sure I walked at least 10 miles working this weekend alone. Later.

TA DA!

YEAH!!! My Dad brought the first gun that I learned to use (like I said he kept switching them on me) and I actually shot really well today! I'd say I went from 25% to about 65-70% and I've only been shooting skeet four times in my LIFE! This is about 10 rounds (25 shells a round) total! I was so excited! It was strange that I totally missed the easy targets, but then nailed the hard ones, I even hit one I had never done before! I guess it just clicked. My Dad says that usually you get really good and then lose it one week, and it just comes and goes sometimes. Today was the first time I saw my Dad shoot, and he's really good! It was cool. I also got to see someone shoot two at the exact same time on a 'double pull.'

On another random note I discovered that I managed to jam my hip socket in TKB (turbo kick box.) I can't give up TKB, but I will at least keep my exercise to walking until we know for sure I'm healed. Today I was really sore and in pain, but ibuprofen saved the day. We'll see how I am tommorow. Wish me luck! I really have no clue what is going on with the left side of my body. First I get shin splints from running training, now I've got a jammed hip and my neck on the left also feels stiff. I could just still be healing from the Dec. accident or maybe I just overdid it in TKB on a stressful day or something :)

WHOOHOOO, I'm so glad I'm making progress with skeet shooting. It actually made my day! My Dad says I'm very instinctive, so hopefully I'll stay that way. If you think too much, you actually get worse. It sounds strange but if you experienced what I'm doing then you'd know what I was talking about. Happy Weekend!

Top 10 Internet Fads

This site goes on about the top 10 internet fads. Apparently I was 'out of the loop' as I only knew about half of them. But at least it was fun looking at the ones with active links.

Check out my new links (since I changed templates, and I'm not knowledgeable about blogger enough to make my own). One of them is to Shockwave, which has a fun game called "Bookworm" it's fun!

Overdrive

Ever feel like you are stuck in 'overdrive' mode? I have no clue why but I am determined to go above and beyond. Usually this means I do way more than I should, and push myself to all possible limits. Today is only Monday the 4th day of school, and I was there until 630. Not because I had to be, but because I was determined to figure out these orders for school. I found a fabulous sale on isntruments in one of the catalogs and so I have to snap them before they are gone. I'm not going to tell you were in case, they are super-popular, which at that price I know they will be.

I can already tell I will be really worn out by the end of this year (who isn't?), but I know that I will enjoy it. I already notice that my teaching style and approach has changed, and it will be more beneficial to the students. Part of this is the year of experience, part of it is my unquenchable thirst for resources and ways to make things more interesting. I have a sneaking feeling (due to possible loss of enrollment at the school, or the possibily of not being able to travel to keep things full-time) that I could be hunting for another position next year, and so I want to make this year with the students count. I love seeing them again and I'm so excited to be their teacher. It's a shame that for specialists we are 'kept down to the minute' of our teaching time wheras say the librarian will always be full time no matter what the enrollment (I think). 'We' are looking for ways to offer additional courses if enrollment is down, as it makes a huge difference for the students (and teacher) to have a full-time permanant teacher. This year will be easier for me than the last, but I will definitely be keeping things challenging and trying new ideas.

I am really very excited to be teaching such a fabulous group of students this year! It is highly encouraging for me as my first three years of teaching in another district were a bit rough. I love the district, I love the people I work with, and I wouldn't change schools for the world. I hate to admit it but I think I found my place in life, and all this time I feel that God planned for me to teach. I feel like I have so much more meaning in my life because I have a job that can make a difference for the future of tommorow. Sounds cheesy to you maybe, but it's true. Anyway I should be asleep, so I will attempt to sleep now.

Random Thoughts!

YEAH! I passed my WE certification! It is really hard not to be nervous in trying to remember everything that one needs to go through to meet all their standards, but I passed. I even did well on the computer test, which was really killing me earlier when I had to miss an hour of training.

On the way home from Fairview Heights, I couldn't help but see the giant neon sign, three hundred parking lot lights, and strobe lights for "Hollywood." If anyone has even been close to or on Rt. 3 you know exactly to what kind of establishment I refer. I was very disgusted by the fact that there were quite a good deal of cars parked in the lot (on a Thursday during happy hour to at least 9pm) as well as the establishment across from it. Before, I simply went to appease the group of people or person that I accompanied.

Since I've had time away from that life, and to start thinking about myself again I remembered something. Oh yeah, I didn't really care for them (these establishments) then, and I really don't care for them now. If I must be up past 3 and still want to be out, I'd rather choose the Oz or Pops. I am very much out of the going crazy phase of my life. Being so crazy I'm sure has kept me from going to church, getting the sleep I need, and or losing any type of weight from all the calories beverages incur. I really won't miss it at all! It was decent while it lasted, but I won't miss certain stressors that could also come with that. I would mention them, but I'd rather say relatively nice things, than say anything at all.

I realize that am happy to be "officially" single. I didn't realize how caught up I was in feeling like I had to take care of a certain someone, until I remembered "Hey I'm a person with needs too and I'm an accomplice to these actions so long as I stay in the situation." (While that may seem obvious to most of you, it's a little more difficult than it sounds if you a. are in love and b. you're a girl, taking care of people is practically built in (at least in my genes since I was the oldest.)

While it will be a strange experience as I really haven't been single for long since my college graduation, maybe 1-2 months tops (this means no dating of any kind), I am welcoming it with open arms. I'm doing my own thing. I'm working out, I'm finding new hobbies, I'm getting more invovled with my current position, I acquired a weekend position to make sure I can get some bills paid off sometime before the end of this century, and I am doing things for ME.

ME, ME ME! It feels wierd being this way, but I'd have to say I feel happier and healthier than I've been in a long time. I'm a more positive, upbeat person and I'm just generally a lot more outgoing. (Yeah look out, if you thought I was too 'happy' before, wait till you see me now. I almost feel like I did in high school when I'd be in a good mood sometimes no matter what was happening around me.) My attitude is this, you only have once to live. Why do I want to live in depression, lonliness, or emptiness because of whatever? You do know staying in that mode is a choice right (unless you have the 'disease' and your chemicals are off)? I am choosing this for myself and it works! I can either choose to be snappy with my students if they push me to the limit or I can find ways to be positive with them to encourage better behavior rather than bringing more attention to the behavior that disrupts their learning. I can choose to mope around the house and be all depressed or whine to friends about how depressed I am, or I can get out there and do my thing and have fun with my friends and keep up with everyone's experiences.

I am so excited about this. I don't know if it's the full moon or what! Maybe I finally let God in just enough to do what He's been working on for years, I don't know. But I feel it! I finally feel full. I feel complete, on my own, without thinking I need to lean on someone for my happiness. Ok I knew these things before, I just didn't feel them. There is a BIG difference ok, for all those people who have every thing figured out and are laughing at me because you think I lacked common sense. Has nothing to do with it. I allowed my emotions to take control of what I knew to be the right direction to go in life. I chose the easy route. Then I took the hard way for a while, which really wasn't that bad looking back on it. Now I feel like I'm on easy street again on this time I'm happier, healthier, and flat out more sure of myself. If I do feel lonely, bored, depressed I have tons of friends to call on. I could even visit my family, read a book, work out, play Classic NES games, whatever. Thanks for praying for me if you did because it's working. I promised I wouldn't go back on my decision, and I'm still on the right road and I will keep it that way. :)

P.S. The typos and sentance structures are killing me too, but I refuse to make time to edit. ;)

It's Official!

Back to school time officially started today. My day went pretty well, very fast. I couldn't believe how fast the classes went. Somehow a game, some procedure practice, and review about rules, consequences, rewards, and "parties" seemed to be 40 minutes. I must have been going light speed last year or didn't write in my last year's plans how long it took to go through everything.

Oddly, my first day of school was the first day of traveling as a teacher. It was the strangest thing for me because for one I taught in that particular teachers' room instead of the music/art/science/orchestra room where I will be teaching 2 times a week. It was almost like starting as a brand new teacher all over again. Lucky for me the kids were tired, so they were very well behaved for the last class at the end of the first day. I had no idea the first day of Kindergarten was so crazy for the teachers and students. They have to learn everything from scratch. The more I learn about K teachers, the more I have to admire them! I can't wait to be in the multi-room, as it will do wonders for my choices in lesson planning. (I forgot to say I'm in the other room because the art/ music rooms had black mold problems and were quarantined. They won't be ready until the end of next week :(

Meanwhile, I stayed at my travel school until 7pm! Even though I won't be in the room for a week, I can't teach there knowing the decor is drab. So I apparently spent a good deal of time redoing the bullitin boards, laminating, cutting, stapeling etc etc. The room looks much better, and I'm sure the art teacher (who travels like me from my school) will spruce it up herself as well. I'm so wired I can't even relax. I hope I can sleep well tonight.

Btw did I mention my goals this year are to find new and exciting methods for especially teaching the younger kiddos, espeically K. I also plan to have at least 4 concerts this year, hold a club in the fall, teach at camp again, and tutor in the spring? I want to emmerse myself as much as possible. Don't forget I have choir on Mondays (when it starts), turbo kickbox, skeet with my Dad (for a little longer), and Weekends Only. Yeah I'm probably crazy, but I need to keep my mind off some things and just be busy, busy, busy. It's what I do best: taking on more than any normal human being should. Ironically I work better that way (maybe that's why I'm so lazy in the summer? :)

Keeping it even

Someone said I was too negative on my last post (Aug 19). So ok, here's some things I typed up a few days ago, but chose not to post.

Amusing quotes I will miss: 1. "I dunnevenknow"2. "Tunnel of your doom" 3. "Ripe spring rain"
4. "Hmmm?' (Pouty face) 5. "Aeeh?" (crinkle nose) Activities I will miss: 1. Family Guy 2. The Sunday Night Ritual 3. Learning new "go out" places 4. Dancing 'till the break of dawn (on occaision) 5. Hilarious druken calls Things I will miss: 1. Someone to call for directions to any place in the city. 2. The scent 3. The sexiest alive 4. Keeping my feet warm 5. Enclosed arms, sense of feeling safe

Wasted Time

I read one of my favorite blogs today and she was talking about feeling like she will never find love. Her reasons were more so that she has many male friends, and they only saw her 'as one of the guys.' Mine is more of a sense of being unsuccessful to find the right person, and even if I had at one point, I probably didn't know what I had at the time. Live and Learn. Here's the song she quoted. I haven't heard it, but I like the lyrics.


Wasted Time by Meshell Ndegeocello

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

In my fantasy you are asleep beside me
I feel you breathe
If only I could be there for you
The one that you make love to

Wasted time on loving you wasted time
Wasted time on someone
Who wont love you as much as I
As much as I as much as I as much as I

You rarely notice but I hang on your every word
Everything you say
You are much too busy to notice me
You turn and walk away
Into anothers arms hopeless ashamed
I wish I could hold you that way
Brokenhearted I dream for you to notice me

5 Stages of Change

I have been doing some serious soul-searching beginning with the time my dr. forced me to take off work for a week. It has led me closer to God, and ultimately I believe (although I'm still not the best at being consistent in church), led me closer to myself and toward figuring out what I want out of life. It has taken me five years, and many painful, risk-taking and also exciting experiences for me to reach the point where I am at this moment. I know I repeat that a lot,"... for me to reach where I am today" etc, but it's true. With each experience or decision, I take time to reflect and analyze because it's simply part of my personality. Each step of the journey's purpose and meaning becomes more clear, usually after the fact, but none-the-less, I see why certain things have to happen. Sure, there are some things I'd love to 'take back,' 'rewind,' or 'do-over' in my life, but one can't learn without making mistakes.

I have found that change definitely does NOT come easy. I have had to make some very difficult changes lately. It has forced me to experience pain, depression, anger, distress (maybe I should just describe the steps of grieving here?) but I know these things are temporary and I allow them because I know they are for a good purpose. For a while now, I have known about a certain set of decisions that I needed to choose in order to ultimately change and become a better person for it. A particular decision that I have made quite recently has been emotionally gut-wrenching for me. I have been in denial, depression, anger, and most certainly bargaining. I'd say I've been wavering in and out of the 5 stages for quite some time now. I think perhaps I have finally reached the acceptance stage of what I knew to be as the "following through" aspect of this change. While I'm still wavering in feeling, I am set on what I have chosen, and I intend to follow through.

This decision will affect a few people either negatively or positively; however I feel the positive outweighs the negative here. While I can't say that I won't have a slip on my 'follow-through' and mentally lapse toward my intention to change, I must and absolutely must remain firm. I must pledge to myself every day to see this (and other) decisions through. Will it be painful? Yes. Will it be rough? Yes. Will I want to change my mind at some point? Most certainly. But will I allow myself to fail on my follow through for this decision? Absolutely not! I can't say that certain happenings would be impossible to occur, only that I know that at this stage in my life, I won't allow it. I am following through with my pledge to myself, being selfish on this one through and through for once, because that is the only way I know how to make this work.

God, I really feel I made the right choices here. For once in my life, maybe I actually stopped to listen to you rather than rattle off my woes. I'm not sure for this to be exact, but I know that you will support me and will guide me to where I need to go from here. You will hold my hand and keep me strong in this difficult emotional time. I am not alone. You are with me always. I also have friends and family who love and care for me, and will offer their hand if I start to slip. But I feel, that I will not slip, for You are with me. You will fill me with your love so that I do not want and feel empty inside.

Three Little Birds

I first heard this song as I was teaching it in one of the elem. music books. I used it to teach verse/refrain and reggae. I wasn't really a fan of reggae, but when you hear it constantly in the Bahamas as I did last year, you grow a certain liking for it. I LOVE this song. It has a message that I very much need to hear right now. As I was leaving the gym today, I think I sang/ listened to it about 2-3 times to convince myself of the message.



Three Little Birds Bob Marley

Don’t worry about a thing,
’cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin’: don’t worry about a thing,
’cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin’,
Smiled with the risin’ sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin’, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)

Singin’: don’t worry ’bout a thing,
’cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin’: don’t worry (don’t worry) ’bout a thing,
’cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin’,
Smiled with the risin’ sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin’, this is my message to you-ou-ou:

Singin’: don’t worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. don’t worry!
Singin’: don’t worry about a thing - I won’t worry!
’cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin’: don’t worry about a thing,
’cause every little thing gonna be all right - I won’t worry!
Singin’: don’t worry about a thing,
’cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin’: don’t worry about a thing, oh no!
’cause every little thing gonna be all right!

It's my own d*** fault

I was talking to a friend of mine for some advice today and she said something that really hit home for me. I have to write it down to make sure that I remember the feeling of empowerment that came with the statement above. There are some changes that I am making in my life, that I am committed to making, but finding it emotionally difficult at times to enforce. There are people reading this that are close to me and may think they know exactly to what I'm referring, but this is something entirely different (it just happens to apply to all of the above.) She said, "Amy don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to be mean, but it's your own d*** fault if you allow this to continue [meaning if I fail in my saught after endeavors]" by allowing your weaknesses to overcome you. I wasn't offended at all. In fact I agreed with her.

And it helped me realize I DO have a CHOICE!! I CAN CHOOSE the direction that I wish to go. I can either choose what I know is harmful to me and deceive myself that it is what I want, or I can choose what I know is the right and healthy path for me and make a commitment to myself. There is no try, only do (something like that from Star Wars eh?) If I want it, I can make these changes; I have to CHOOSE them instead of playing victim. I do this in most aspects of my life except where I am the most weak. I can and I will overcome the past and will move on to the new and improved. It's my own d*** fault if I don't, and I deserve the consequences if I allow myself to fail. I am determined to change without fail, no matter how hard. Nothing in this world that is good is always easy. It's easier to not change, to stay where you are than to do the opposite. Most things that are difficult are worth achieving. My goals are definitely endeavors that I can and do have control over to change. And so I shall because I refuse for it to be 'my own d*** fault by choosing to fail!

Frazzled!

Wow, what a week! I have been going crazy trying to get things ready for school. My training for Weekends Only started this weekend, so in addition I feel like I have no life as it's taking up quite a bit of time. I'm also concerned about another few issues in my life, that I don't want to discuss here, but they just have me on edge. At least my friends and I were all 'on edge,' maybe it's just in the air as a bar fight erupted at the chosen establishment. I need some rest; some answers would be good too :)

So Long Sweet Summer

School starts in a week, so it might as well be the end of the summer for me. I have a meeting this Friday and planned activities Monday and Tuesday, then boom, it's school time. I'm preparing my lessons, getting my classroom ready, and making pre-plans for my 3 programs that I'm doing this year with the students. Up for debate are the themes of each program. I might do a mini-musical or I might just do a revue, either way I would like to decide soon at least for the 4th and 5th graders as their concert is in November.

I picked out this song for the Luau, because I guess at that time I was thinking it would be the last big 'blast' I would have before starting school. There are activities planned during my free time, yes, but considering I also start training for my part-time job this weekend, things are fairly crazy. It's a good song, you should check it out.


So Long Sweet Summer Dashboard Confessionals

So long sweet summer
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet summer
I fell into you
Now you're gracefully falling away

Hey thanks
Thanks for that summer
It's cold where you're going
I hope that your heart's always warm
I gave you the best
Gave you the best that I have

So, so long sweet summer
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet summer
I fell into you
Now you're gracefully falling away

I hate the winter, in Lexington
I hate the winter, in Lexington
In Lexington, Lexington, Lexington

Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon

Kevin Nealon and Friends


My friends and I went to the Funny Bone to see Kevin Nealon this weekend at Westport Plaza. It was some good times and good laughs. The picture above is a picture of us with Mr. Nealon in the middle (well I smiled, but I didn't know it was one of those 2 flash cameras). We were one of the first in line to see his show and he was taking a break out front :)

Correction

Today was my 2nd time out using a shot gun (not a rifle as posted earlier, oops, sorry). I did tons better today (when I was alone) doing even more stations. I learned that when I have the shot to take it right then, I seem to hesitate just to make sure I've got it and then I miss (and I wouldn't miss if I followed through on the swing, either way). Anyway, so it was really good to finally start hitting some clay more consistently and on more challenging stations. I'd say I'm up to 50% which is a 25% increase from last time. Remember, as you make fun of my numbers, that this is only the 2nd time in my life ever shooting anything (that hits something), let alone a moving target. The tricky stations are those that you have to have a certain amount of lead (like 2 ft ahead etc), the stations where you just aim and wait for it to fall there are the easiest (obviously). This time I didn't forget to hold my hand over the used shells (so they don't fly at your face or someone elses when you open the gun), and it was much easier handeling the gun.

Btw the gun I'm using is a 28 gauge with about 6.9 lbs of weight if that makes any difference to those who asked me before. I also found out that a rifle shoots bullets (really big ones), and a shot gun shoots shells (which are lead pellets that spray out and hit the target).

I thank you God

We sang this song in choir last year, and it happened to show up in an email from beliefnet. I thought I'd share it here. Whenever poetry is set to music, it just doesn't seem the same without the song behind it. Guess that's the music person in me.

Thank You for This Amazing Day

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginably You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

- e. e. cummings

The Awakening

THE AWAKENING

A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . . when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it`s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren`t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of `happily ever after` must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are . . .and that`s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn`t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don`t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it`s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

You begin to sift through all the crap you`ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you`ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with ,and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a `consumer` looking for your next fix. Your learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don`t know everything, that it`s not your job to save the world and that you can`t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love: Romantic love and familiar love. You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love. And you learn that you don`t have the right to demand love on your terms.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you `stack up.`

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK, and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want--and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect ,and you decide you won`t settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it`s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn`t always fair, you don`t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes `bad` things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn`t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It`s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart`s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown