Lately I've been hooked into reading Cosmo magazine. I was in the grocery store one day, bored, I picked it up for something to read. So this month I'm reading an article called "Is Five Years the New Forever?" by Jessie Knadler. She basically discusses how many newly-wed couples don't make it past five years these days. She lists 5 fatal flaws: Weak Foundation (bases for marriage a long time ago could be a strong point today), Point and Click Love (myth of the "Soul-Mate"), Trading up (rather than working through rough spots, you trade-up for someone else), "I Do"... for now (concept of the start marriage (only lasting 5 years) is accepted). Reading this article can throw anyone into 'caution' central, but for me I have found it just supports my current values.
Once upon a time, I did in fact choose to live with my beau of 2 years. I wanted to be out of the house and what better way that to live with the man I thought I loved? This being our 2nd time of living together (the first was a strangely unavoidable wierd scenario in college, which btw was a nightmare) I figured it would be better. For many reasons I felt the relationship was just not meeting my needs. I felt like I had to work around his insane work schedule, and I found myself not being very social with my friends who I knew were moving back to St. Louis from college. Once I began to make my own social life with friends (while he was working the night shift, so I rarely saw him) I realized that maybe I was in the relationship for the wrong reasons. He was a good guy, but I wanted to make sure we weren't just together to have a roomie. We were headed down the marriage path, but I wanted to be absolutely certain about the path we were about to embark on. So when he bought a nearby condo, I chose to move into my own apartment. We acted as close friends for a month, but then began to drift. I felt myself wanting to be single than on my way to marriage.
In the Cosmo magazine it states: "Many couples today live together before they marry (roughly 70 percent versus less than 5 percent 40 years ago, according to Stanley). Not that there's anything inherently wront with living together-plenty of happy unions result from it-but research shows that couples who do so before marrying have a 50 percent greater chance of getting divorced than those who don't." "... [People's] lives become so intertwined that they can end up sliding into marriage because it's convenient, not necesarily because the person will make a great spouse."
I know that I made the right decision 3-4 years ago, especially now that he is happily married and living in the Northern states, and I happily dating someone else. But I wonder would I consider moving in with someone else again? Or would I want them to move in with me? I guess it depends on the situation. I would not want to move out of convience, rather I would move because I couldn't stand to have another minutes drive apart (which right now is 40 minutes) and it was a lovingly-mutual decision. In other words, not a decision based on finances or some other agenda. Part of me says that it's a good idea, to make sure the person and I would be compatible living together. The other major part of me says no, because I think in taking a step that is originally meant for marriage the relationship-venture would be sure to fail. I say this based on the fact that in living together, you know there is a way out of a rough spots and would probably go the easy route (move out, end the relationship) rather than working something out. I'm not saying this goes for all relationships, each and every one is different. I personally would never buy the house together first and then get married. But then again, I've had a few friends do exactly that.
What's your take?
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