Thank you God!

I just wanted to post a "Thank You" to God for answering my prayers to help me get back to being healthy. I also want to thank anyone who has been praying for my health. I called the dr. and got some medicine to reduce the swelling of my vocal cords this weekend, and it really kicked in today. I made it (just barely) through a choir rehearsal tonight and it was a good feeling (luckily we sang music that wasn't as high for the first 2 hours!). Music is my life and I start to get 'depressed' when I can't contribute what I should be able to normally. I pray that after this virus or whatever goes away, that I stay healthy at least until Spring Break, at which point my first choir concert with St. Louis Women's Chorale is done, and my 4/5th gr. concert has been completed. Keep the prayers going, because I'll probably need it to get through. I'm already starting to feel the stress of having my first elementary school concert in 2.5 weeks!

Bereft

Bereft by Robert Frost

Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and day was past.
Somber clouds in the west were massed.
Out in the porch's sagging floor,
leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly struck at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret must be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.

Am I a computer techie?

My roomie bought a router to hook up the internet to her computer. Since her computer is downstairs this is the best way to get her connected. I told her I'd take a look at the directions and see if I could figure it out. The router part was easy. I've never opened up a computer before to add the wireless card, but I just followed the directions and used common sense to open it up. Before you know it we had the wireless card installed. It was another 20 minutes playing with software, but I finally managed to get it running just by playing around with it. So does that count me as a computer techie? Probably not, but maybe it means that some of the engineering genius in my Dad and my brother's mechanical skills rubbed off on me somewhere. I guess I just felt cool that I was able to do it! I figured it can't be harder than trying to rewire light fixtures or adding new faucet fixtures etc, and I was right! It turned out to be easier. Who knew I had that in me?

Humble Me

On my way back home today after chruch and lunch, I was listening to Norah Jones' new CD. Sometimes I skip through the songs, and haven't heard them all. As I was drifting off into random thought, I heard the refrain and thought, "wow, how cool to hear this from Jones." I had to listen to it again to the get the full story of the lyrics. It's really kinda sad actually, despite very a beautiful guitar accompaniment.

Humble Me by Norah Jones

Went out on a limb
Gone too far
Broke down at the side of the road
Stranded at the outskirts and the sun's creepin' up

Baby's in the backseat
Still fast asleep
Dreamin' of better days
I don't want to call you but you're all I have to turn to

What do you say
When it's all gone away?
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
So please, please, please forgive me

Baby Teresa she's got your eyes
I see you all the time
When she asks about her daddy
I never know what to say

Heard you kicked the bottle
And you helped build the church
You carry an honest wage
Is it true you have someone keeping you company?

What do you say
When it's all gone away?
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
So, please, please, forgive me
You humble me

New Roomie

Well today my new roommate moved in. It's very exciting for me to have company in the house again. Living alone is fine, but I just like having someone else around, plus it helps financially. Maybe we'll even get the satellite up and running again. We'll see. Last night I spent my time painting a couple closets (since I didn't do that when I moved in), and rearranging to make room for her. I like to paint, but more importantly I like the results of my work. Somehow painting just makes a room or closet or whatever all 'shiny and new' looking.

Unfortuantely though I'm sick once again. I noticed something coming on about Wednesday when my voice suddently dropped 5 pitches. I can't stand getting sick all the time. I take 301 vitamins and now I'm on medicine, but it is really getting old. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be learning some great lesson here, other than I really hate being sick. This time I'm back to sinusitis somethings. At first I thought it was a virus since I just basically lost my voice out of nowhere, but now I think that the cause was post nasal drip. It's really sad when you get sick all the time that you can diagnose yourself. I haven't had sinusitis or bronchitis in 3 years! What is up with getting in twice in one year, pay back? Please pray that I get healthy and stay healthy. And also that I don't end up giving it to my new roommate somehow.

Social Night

Last night I went to Small Group, and was very thankful that they thought of doing a Social Night. I finally finished the DLT book, but as I was reading it some things slightly bugged me. In a 'good' way I have many friends who come from all walks of life and belief systems. However, I feel slightly disadvantaged being that most of my close Christian friends from TSU are out doing their thing in another state somewhere. One thing I really liked about the Bible Study at Truman was that we already had our common interest in music and our respective fraternities. We already shared 301 classes together everyday for hours, so opening up was for me second nature. I miss having that close knit feeling with a particular group of people who have God and music in common.

Social night, I found myself barraging one of the girls with running questions. Someone in small group, whose name I apparently forgot, was training for the Spirit of St. Louis marathon and was going to set up training times. Apparently I missed the boat or it never came to fruition, so I've been frantic about finding someone I know to run with and/or really get the scoop on what they do. I really just don't want to run alone my first time. A certain friend of mine has be MORE than helpful and I'm very grateful, however, she is super busy and I feel like I'm intruding to ask to train with her. The Running Center, while cool, was 'scary' for me being the only girl with three experienced older runner men workers. So I got my shoes, thanked them, and left.

Anyway, point is I am really trying to reach out and make new friends at Church. I just find it really difficult because it seems like 99% of the people are married, for some reason I freak out when I have to say hello to the boy next to me, and girls are just slower at getting to know I guess. I'm so glad when I ran into Lauren, Alli's sister, because I felt like I already knew her. I really feel like I'm missing having a close, Christian (girl) friend who I can talk to about everything and anything. I'm sure God will help me, but part of me feels like I'm 'totally out of the loop' in the world. Oh well. I'll just keep going to church and being friendly and eventually I'm sure I connect with someone beyond a church Sunday or Bible Study.

Prayer requests:
My grandpa is in the hospital and they are doing more tests. He has been in and out of the hospital since his heart surgury, so I'm super worried!
My grandma is still recovering from knee surgery.
My kitty just had her spay (Thank you God for awarding me with the FREE spay through the SNIP-IT celebration that just happened to be this week) done so she is 'out of it.
For friends of mine who are super stressed with wedding plans, new beginnings in life, new careers, and their struggles with other issues unknown or known to me.
For my parents and family who are stressed with my grandpa and grandma's concerns.
For Jim and Brandy, who just lost their child an hour after birth, may God comfort them and be with them in their time of need.
For my continued health: (I sprained my ankle on an escalator, and I'm very stressed in general.)

Thanks for reading my ramblings today!

Pot Roast and Running Shoes

Well the Pot Roast turned out delectimous as my Dad would say. Very yummy for those of you interested in trying a recipie I wrote.

Today I went and bought running shoes at The Running Center. I was recommended by several people to go there and get my 'style' observed so I could get the right shoes. Apparently I was using a good brand shoe, but I was using an outdoorsy hiking version, which doesn't offer the right support for running. They could barely tell I used them, because I mainly only use them on tread mills, oh well. So I bought my new shoes (Asics brand), but unfortunately I couldn't run today like I wanted. Apparently when I tripped on the escalator on Saturday I landed funny and so my left ankle feels wierd. I only ran a mile, but then I elipticled the other 2.5 that I needed for the day. It wasn't the same :( Sigh. I'm disappointed, I hope I didn't do anything wierd to injure myself. Surprisingly the ankle I badly sprained during my accident is totaly fine! Who knows about these things? Bummer

I'm finally committed to finishing the DLT for Rooftop. I have half a chapter left, and it will be done by tonight! I've slacked off for a couple weeks, and I now I know why I felt like I was missing something. That and I had to miss Bible Study last week, and church this last Sunday. I really notice missing these activities in my life, so I know God thinks they are important for me to attend. I hope we can get our new building soon wherever that is; I think it would be easier on the set up crews, and that way service times could be even more flexible. I'm sure those are only but a few benefits to having a permanent location.

Tommorow my kitty is getting spayed, and just in time too! Apparently on Friday she decided to go into heat. Her meowing was cute at first, but every now and again it's annoying. Also my roomie is moving in on Saturday. I'm really excited, but I'm reminded of all the constructive things I meant to get done this four day weekend and didn't: taxes, painting her closet (just because I want to), moving my stuff out of the random spaces I took over when Lori left, etc. So much to do, so little time. Well, I guess I had the time, I just totally forgot about what I was hoping to get done with my extra time. Oh well, I guess I work better with crunch time anyway :)

Prayer requests: For my grandpa, he may have to go into the hospital again (my Mom didn't say why, she was too stressed). For my parents and my grandma, that God provides for them the peace of mind they need to get through this. Praise that my voice is about 85% better than it was a couple days ago. (Guess it needed some rest too.) Continued prayer that I do not get sick anymore this school year, and that I can do this half marathon :)

My first attempt at Pot Roast

Occaisionally my parents will unload unwanted food and give it to me. Many times I ask for the venison my Dad acquires through hunting because it's really healthy and really good. Thus far I discovered that venison cutlets are awesome (almost the best steak I've ever had), and that ground venison is fabulous in chili. I still have yet to attempt the ribs, but I'm going to wait till at least Spring for that since I'm sure they will need to be grilled (assuming they fit on my 'old style' cheapo grill). After getting all this food from my parents I made a list of what I could make with it. Some of what they gave me makes meals, other stuff I needed to purchase 'the extras' that are important to go with it.

So tonight I'm making a macaroni and cheese 'casserole' of chicken (because I have way too much frozen chicken now), broccoli, and Kraft Cheese Delux. It was pretty good. In the meantime though, I remembered I had the ingredients to make pot roast. My parents gave me 2 venison pot roasts; I thought I would start with the smaller one. After looking at several recipies online, I made up my own. This is the first time I ever have written down a recipie since usually I just make it up as I go along, and what I make usually comes out very yummy. It's all about experimenting. So here's the recipie, I'll let you know how it tastes tommorow.

Venison Pot Roast (Slow Cooker)

Ingredients:

2-3 lbs Venison (or Beef) Pot Roast
1/2 bag of Baby Carrots (you can add more if you want)
5 Potatoes Sliced and Cut in Half (I'm sure any kind is fine)
5 Celery Stalks Chopped (I had lots of celery and I like it)
1 T. Minced Garlic
1 tsp. Oregano
1 tsp. Thyme
1 tsp. Basil
Salt/ Pepper to Taste
1 tsp. Worchestershire Sauce
1 tsp. Parsley
2 Beef Bullion Cubes
2 T. Balsamic Vinegar (I normally wouldn't add this, but it was a few other recipies so what the hey)
1 Pkg of Lipton Onion Recipie Secrets (Tastes good in other stuff, why not try Pot Roast?)
6-7 cups of water, just enough to cover up the meat

1. Take the Pot Roast (should be wrapped up with twine from the butcher), season with salt and pepper, and then sear all sides in a Tablespoon of Olive Oil until brown (I guess this is for looks, not sure yet. I read this in a bunch of recipies so I figured it was necessary).

2.While waiting for the meat to brown, I added all the spices etc to the large crock pot, just to keep track of what I was adding. I'm sure you could do this after number 3; normally that's what I would do.

3. Add the roast to the crock pot. Add the water, and bullion cubes (and stir up the spices.)

4. Place the potatoes, carrots, celery (you can use onions too, but A. I didn't have any B. I'd used the Recipie Secrets instead for color and added flavor. It also has small dried onions) evenly around the roast.

5. Cook on low for about 10 hours OR high for about 4.5 hours. (I'm doing high just because I'm paranoid about leaving stuff on at home.)

6. You can also make a gravy by taking some of the juices from the pot, adding some carnstarch (proportional to the amount of juices), and boiling it. I'm not used to having gravy for pot roast, so I won't be making any.

Wish me luck!

7 miles and counting

Yesterday I managed to run 7 miles! That's right 7 miles! This is the farthest I have ever gone in my lifetime. With warm up walking (and some walking in between just to steady the pace) it took an hour and 20 min. Today I'm doing pretty good amazingly. My left knee and ankle feel wacky, but my muscles are not that sore, which is awesome. It's weird that my middle back is sore, but I'm sure that's from moving my arms. Thank God for chiropractors :)

I was soooo hungry afterwards. We went to Drunken Fish in Westport. It was THE BEST sushi I've ever had (I've had it at about 5 different places). I really liked the sashimi appetizer, the philly roll (fried is good too) and the drunken fish roll. The infused saki is delicious as well, not to mention the flaming saki bomb that we all tried.What a fantabulous holiday weekend! Happy 27th B-day Lori C!

If you are the praying type, please pray for my vocal health, I still am really not the same since I was sooo sick in Jan (and then also getting the s. flu again.) Also pray for my other friend Lori as her grandma passed away this weekend.

Salsa Dancing

Because of my extra 'holiday' time, I went to the Walk in the CWE this week. I only visited the last two stops. Club Viva was really cool! It's a salsa dancing club. Ladies get in for free and drink for free until 1000p. Rhonda was saying it's best to come on Saturday because there aren't as many people there so there's more opportunity to learn the dance moves. Btw they also teach the dancing before 1000p too. I didn't dance but throughly enjoyed quite a few (maybe a bit too much) "Latin Kiss" drinks. Since they were free, I was pounding them down, so I wouldn't have to buy anything all night :) The nice thing is they don't water them down either. Basically the drink is rum, peach schnapps, pinapple, cranberry and something else I think. YUM!

The next stop was Llwelyns. This is where I started to notice the 'state' I was in. Oops! So I drank water during that stop and mingled with friends. Jen and I went to Talayna's afterwards. She bought me a rum and coke because I was starting to really get tired. I should have just had the soda. She got me another one (which I paid her back for :) and I drank maybe 1/8 of it when I realized I was losing it and fast. Bad Amy, Bad! Luckily Jen took a cab down to the walk for some reason, and she drove us to her place, where I stayed the night.

The moral of the story here is, Club Viva is cool and I hope to go there again sometime. This weekend is pretty jammed too. Tonight I'm going out to dinner at Brandt's and then possibly going to see some glass blowing exhibit. Tommorow I was going a mad-hatter pub crawl type thing all day, but then it's my friends Lori's b-day. During the day I shall attempt my 7 mile run on the training schedule. Then we are meeting at the Drunken Fish in WestPort. I can't wait for nummy sushi!! Sunday I'm going to church, and probably running some more. Monday I'm probably getting my taxes done (YACK!), running some more, and going to choir. Busy Busy Busy! I love it!!!!

BTW, does anyone have a decent/old T-mobile phone they're not using? Mine keeps acting up (the screen keeps going blank after I open it) and all you have to do is switch out the card in the back of the phone to switch it over. I will buy a new phone when my tax money comes in, but until then I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Any marathoners out there?

I'm considering doing a half marathon in April. I looked at a suggested training guide, and magically I'm right on schedule (just about). Does anyone have any other suggestions? Shoes (how long are running shoes good for anyway?), clothing suggestions, food, water, tricks, tips etc? The half marathon I'm considering is the Spirit of St. Louis Marathon. Thanks!

Not much to say

I don't have anything particularly signifcant to say for today. This weekend was interesting. I was sick on Friday, Saturday I finally felt better and hung out with the "Foxy Lady's Club" with Kate S and some other friends. It was awesome to hang out with other (mostly) single ladies and watch one of my favorite shows: "Sex in the City." Sunday I cleaned the house, did laundry (oooh ahhh, what a cool life I lead :) and then went to choir.

Today is Valentine's day, but I really don't even notice the 'being single' thing. I used to feel strange being single on V-Day, and I can honestly say I'm not really 'bugged' at all by being single this year. It's a sign of good change for me. :) I received an interesting email from a mystery person, and got an Happy V-Day IM on my phone. I think since I'm free tonight, and I'm normally not, I shall 'make a feast' (not really) for myself at home and go running. I wish it were light longer so I could run at the park like I did on Saturday, is it Spring yet (after a while Winter gets old for me, fast!). I'm loving the 60 degree weather, I'm usually not luckily enough to enjoy it. Oh well.

Happy V-Day everyone!

-Peace

Sick, again, this is getting old!

Since New Year's this year, I have come 'down' with something every week. On New Year's I had the stomach flu. That week I had some larengitis type virus. After 2 days of healthiness just to audition for choir, the next day I have sinusitis. The next week I have bronchitis. My doctor forced me to stay home for a week, and I finally got better for about a week and a half. Then my voice kinda leaves me again. It's back a week later, and now I have the stomach flu again!

What the heck is wrong with me? I haven't been this sick EVER! Not even in college did I acquire this many illnesses (esp. in dorm living). I think the students just look at me, and I'm SOL. I was planning on staying in tonight anyway, to clean house and get everything in order at home, but I don't like being forced to. I went to work to print off grades that were due, and had to go home. Another teacher had the flu on Wednesday too, but this is just getting really old, and fast. I haven't eaten anything all day, and my stomach is killing me!

I love hanging out with friends, and Thank God for metropolis, but it's another thing to be forced to stay away from friends, despite the fact that I'm already single and 'alone'. Actually single-hood hasn't been that bad, it's been a bit frustrating, but I haven't really been depressed about it, which is amazing to me. I have met a good number of new people lately, and it's has been good to be 'out.' Thanks Jen A! Thanks Liz!

Anyway peeps, please pray for me. I don't know what the deal is with all these sicknesses. Maybe there's a lesson I'm missing here? One can only take so many vitamins, are they even working? Happy Valentine's day all you couples out there. I guess my V-day will be about celebrating how much God loves me, even when I don't deserve it. Sigh.

-Amy

My first time on a Mardi Gras Float

This past Saturday was the Mardi Gras celebration in St. Louis. The theme this year was "Broadway on Broadway." I was a witch on a float entitled "Into the Woods." (<--you may have to save target as to see this cool video) I bought 5 gross of beads to throw and I still have 2 gross left. My arms are sore and my quads are killing me, I guess from balancing a standing position on a moving vehicle. I had such a blast! Last year I braved going as a 'catcher of beads,' but it is so much more fun to be a thrower of beads. There is no crowd to deal with, everyone is going crazy for plastic on a string, you meet new people, and have fun!

You would not believe what some people would do for the cheapo beads. I was amazed at the behavior that I saw this weekend. Basically I made it a point to throw 'my good beads' to the little kids who had none. :) Seriously, ladies, some of what you do is UNNECESSARY (and repulsive), to earn a 2 cent to maybe $4 piece of plastic!

After the float experience Jen and I headed back with the float to our place of origin. We changed out of our costumes and enjoyed authentic cajun food at the host and hotesses awesome home near Grand and Russel. We then went back to Soulard and served beverages to pedestrians at the Metropolis Booth. Who says serving others can't be fun? Again I had a blast. I think I like being behind the scenes rather than IN the action as 'partier.' If nothing else my reward was watching people and enjoying the company of friends as we worked for a good cause.

Here's a funny example (at least it was if you were there). A person came up to our tent and says "Ok, I'll have one more pizza, but after this I'm done!" He was so resolute about it, and on top of that he went to the wrong booth (which was right next to us) because we didn't serve pizza.

Here I am feeling I'm being 'bad' because I'm having fun with friends at a very party-esque 'holiday.' But apparently God was giving me opportunities to serve others. After visiting the 'lovely' restroom facilities, I ran into an older woman maybe in her 40s. She was very much incapaciated, cold, and very much lost. Her boyfriend apparently left her and she was stranded. I offered her my cellphone, but we had to dial for her. We got a hold of her neice who was apparently already trying to find her in Soulard. After much confusion (we tried talking to the police), we found her neice on Broadway and Russell a block down from us, and we were able to get her safetly on her way home. I was in shock. This poor woman's 'man' stranded her. She was upset (just started crying on my shoulder while we were waiting for her neice), and apparently desperate for smokes too. She gave me all her money to buy her some cigarettes, of which I gave all of it back but what was needed to help her out. I just couldn't imagine being in that situation, and I thought after it was done, that I would hope someone would do the same for me. I really felt God was using me, and it was good feeling knowing that I took 'a risk' to help someone in need.

Anyway, this is what I have learned. It's so much more fun to be working for a good cause. You are with friends, and still have the same if not more fun. Being on a float is so much better than being a pedestrian. It also feels a lot like you are at a rock concert and everyone wants what you have. Plus, you are the giver, and in doing so you receive. I would recommend floating to anyone! This year's Mardi Gras was definitlely an experience to remember!

Last Night's Small Group

When I got home last night I was 'feeling down' again completely out of the blue, and so I talked to my friend Liz for the umpteenth time this week. I would have no clue what I'd do without her this week. She has really just helped me out more than I can express. It's weird that I feel like my emotions have been on a rollar coaster lately. I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down. There's not really much in between that, other than being tired. Even my sleep has been wierd, I couldn't sleep one night, but was awake and ready for the next day. Last night I slept like a baby, but was exhausted today. Who knows what is going on with me. It's craziness I tell you.

Last night I went to Bible study, as I have been doing every Wednesday now since it started a whole 3 weeks ago. We basically discussed Ephesians Chapter 1:3-14. I'm not going to divulge the entire study, but somehow our conversation hit two gigantic controversies in one night. The first was predestination. Calvinists for example believe that people are specifically chosen as God's people, and that is the only way to Him. Others (myself included) believe that you have the choice to follow Christ; but because God is all-knowing, he knows who is going to choose to follow him. In the study, one of the leaders' father is a pastor. He described it like this: Think of sending an evite to everyone in the world (say it was to a party). You come to the party, but you did not choose to rsvp as requested. The host opens the door, and says "Hey good to see you!" You say something like "Well, I forgot to rsvp, can I still come in?" Host: "You didn't rsvp?" You: "No." Host: "Well then you can't come in." Most of us there agreed that we feel, all of the world is invited to choose Christ as their personal Savior, to be redeemed from their sins through his sacrifice of blood on the cross. Basically, it is your choice to decide to accept His sacrifice; become dead to your 'old', sinful self and begin your life anew through Him. We also talked about 'the end of the world.' But my brain doesn't remember what controversy we were discussing then. Point is, we don't 'deserve'anything from God, but He loves us so much that God sent His only Son, Jesus, to die so that we might be saved. It is for His pleasure that we were created, and He wants us to have a spiritual relationship with Him.

After our discussion, we split off into prayer groups. I had a wonderful conversation with two other members (after discussing requests) about our relationship with God, what's going on in our lives, and how we came to get to the point we are today in our walks with Christ. It was soo awesome to have soo much in common with people I basically had just met (as in didn't know that well). I left feeling energized, peaceful, full. I love how God can take a day where I am feeling down, and just turn it around. It's almost like He's saying, when you are with me, I am with you. I will fill you so that you no longer thirst. You no longer feel that 'big whole' that's missing in your life, for you are filled with love through the Holy Spirit. God is awesome!

Art Songs that are Beautiful

I don't know why but I came home today with a sense of loss. So what do I do? I start singing. Whenever I'm emotionally charged, I sing or play piano. Today I felt like singing. Being that my voice is fabulous now, I appreciate that I can sing without 'issues.' Anyway I sang two of these songs in college (the German ones), and they are just absolutely gorgeous. If I knew how to put up an mp3 of just the piano accompaniments I would.

I sang three songs after getting home, and now I feel much better. 1 is in English and 2 are in German. I will write them here for you, in English.

The Black Swan from The Medium
Gian Carlo Menotti

The sun has fallen and it lies in blood,
The moon is weaving bandages of gold.
O black swan, where, or where is my lover gone?
Torn and tattered has my bridal gown,
And my lamp is lost, and my lamp is lost.
With silver needle and with silver thread,
The stars stitch a shroud for the dying sun.
O black swan, where, oh, where has my lover gone?
I had given him a kiss of fire,
And a golden ring, and a golden ring.
Don't you hear your lover moan?
Eyes of glass and feet of stone,
Shells for teeth and weeds for tongue.
Deep, deep, down in the river's bed, he's looking for the ring.
Eyes wide open, never asleep,
he's looking for the ring, looking for the ring.
The spools unravel and the needles break.
The sun is buried and the stars weep.
O black wave, O black wave, take me away with you.
I will share with you my golden hair,
and my bridal crown, and my bridal crown.
Oh, take me down with you.
Take me down to my wandering lover
with my child unborn, with my child unborn.

Sad isn't it? The music is of modern sound too. It's really eerie here and there, and very heart-wrenching when you sing it.

Die Mainacht
(May Nightt)
poem: L.H.C. Holty, music: Johannes Brahms

When the silver moon shines through the trees and spreads it slumbrous light over the grass and the nightingale sings, I wander sadly from bush to bush. Concealed by the leaves, a pair of doves coos its delight for me to hear, but I turn away and seek darker shadows. And the lonely tear runs. O smiling image that like a rosy dawn radiates through my soul, when will I find you on earth? And the lonely tear trembles, hot, running down my cheek.


Remember this is German, so OF COURSE it's more beautiful in it's orignal form. I would interpret this to be a paraphrased translation of the true meanings. This song just allows the voice to soar, it's awesome!

Das verlassene Magdlein
(The Abandoned Maid)
poem: E. Morike, music: Hugo Wolf

Early, when the roosters crow and before the stars disappear, I have to be at the hearth and light the fire. Beautiful is the firelight and hte leaping sparks; I gaze at them, sunk in sorrow. Suddenly it comes to me, faithless boy, that I dreamt of you during the night. Tears upon tears fall down my cheeks. That's how the day begins. If only it would go away!

I was so 'in character' for this piece at my Senior Recital, I felt like I was really actually going to cry (but not really). This song is gut-wrenching to sing, especially when it 'speaks' to me as a person.


Isn't music fabulous? Anyhoo, I'm off. I still haven't eaten dinner yet, and that's saying something for me because usually I'm starving when I first get home. Thanks for sharing my music today.

How quicky the tide changes in life

I think it is absolutely amazing how I felt completely wiped out yesterday, and whamo I'm back in the game teaching up instruments and singing, whoo hoo! Teaching today was really good, somehow I learned some new classroom management techniques it's called: patience (wating/demanding attention/respect without words) and putting the responsibility on the students to learn. It worked wonders. I forgot that in hs I had certain 'tricks' to get students to pay attention without me having to yell or jump through hoops etc, but those just really didn't apply to elementary kiddos. Today I discovered (yes, on my own, but I found out another teacher does it) a new plan. Before I was sick I would talk over the kids, perhaps gave them too many warnings before I put their name on the board, I even tried putting up a star (10 stars gets them a party) and I would erase a piece everytime I had to say quiet (3 pieces gone, no star, this gives class responsiblity in addition to individual responsibility) and I started to say 3,2,1 expecting quiet at '1'.

Well, it took a while but I was still having to use my voice (any way I can use my voice less, but still get the job done is good for a music teacher) and they only sort of 'got it.' So today I think, I'm not going to say a word and do this with my hands (everyone is familiar with the 'bunny ears' listening sign) 3, 2, 1. Some kids understood right away, one class even said their teacher does the same thing (I have discovered that using a certain classroom teachers' methods with her students works wonders because they are used to it. Somehow I 'magically' discover these just by observing and listening to the students) Voila, success. I don't have to clap, I don't have to bang on an instrument, I expect them to pay attention and look up at me. Until they get it exactly I might say the number 3 but that's it. My last class of the day was miraculous, at the number 3, they were silent. Ahhh.

See, all the students are so eager to learn, especially when we are doing instruments, that they forget to raise their hands. They are all trying to ask me stuff at the same time, some need individual help etc. The only way I can help students is if we work together (cooperative learning) as a team. Music is a team 'sport'! You need to start together, play together, and end together. You are only as good as the weakest player (in an ensemble). This even applies to the elementary kiddos.

At lunch time I was exhausted! I get sooo into what I'm doing that I really do not realize how much energy that I'm using. I'm making three hundred decisions a second, changing original plans around to fit the needs of the students, listening to them play with accurate rhythms, watching them for using the right techniques, AND playing piano or whatever technique I utilize for that lesson to keep the beat ALL at the same time. No wonder I'm like the super multi-tasker. God was right to put me in this position. I've always been an over achiever, I try to be one step ahead of the game (prepared), and I am insistent on "knowing my stuff' and figuring out ways to convey that 'stuff' to all different kinds of students from various walks of life and experiences. Cool, I never saw my job that way until I wrote it down :) So after lunch, I'm reengergized and I continue with the lessons until it's time to go.

Well I made some calls, and my coat has been found, for those of you 'really worried about it.' I took care of 'the small stuff' which can be big if it's not taken care of, and finally went home. When I arrived home, I sipped a tomato soup dinner, and proceeded to dig right in to the DLT. Since I was going to choir in an hour and half, I wanted to make sure I would still have my devotion for the day. Apparently I made plans to do one section a week. Turns out I finished one section in an hour and a half. This first section was pretty simple for me, because I actually had already reached some of the beginning 'challenges' of my growth in Christ. I was amazed at how much I remembered from my K-12 Catholic school days and other church experiences. It actually made me feel like maybe I'm not the worst 'Christian in the world after all' (in a manner of speaking). I did learn some new things, and realized some things I need to change. So I hope I continue my 'plan of action.'

So I drive to choir thinking, man I hope my voice holds up. I just got it back, and I don't want to over do it etc. In the beginning of rehearsal, I really could have used more warming up (esp. in the higher range), but it was all good. I attempted to sing mezzo-vocce, at first but was slightly unsucessful until I realized I was trying to 'hear myself' over the person next to me. Once I 'gave in' to what I know to be correct techniques (and not to base everything on what I hear), my breath support improved and my voice was much happier.

I think being in this choir will be good for me, I just really need to sit next to someone who is not so overpowering that I feel like I'm not even there. There is nothing wrong with having that kind of 'opera-like' talent, but my talent seems to be that I can easily blend in and be a nice, warm supportive lyric soprano voice for the choir. So I like to blend with people who compliment me, instead of overpowing me to the point of extinction. Plus, I would like to be more independant rather than sometimes using another to lean on, when I'm unsure of the notes.

Anyway, the director asked me if I wanted to join in on the singing of the 'high B/C' in one of the songs. I instantly shake my head no (no, I'm not a Soprano says my once Alto I in high school voice), and I was left alone. Besides, the 3 people who sang it are more than enough power to carry the note, so much that you can barely hear the 2nd part of the 1st sops in that section. Ok so I'm not going to bore you anymore with choir stuff. I'm just super happy that my voice 'made-it,' and I really wasn't even as vocally tired as the 2 Mondays before (probably because I WAS SICK, in addition to 'dusting out the cobwebs'). I learned today to get my breath support going, even if that means I'm so hungry my stomach is mad at me for supporting so much. Too bad, I'm singing these notes, and I'm going to sing them with correct technique darn it!

I'm just pumped. I'm sure you can tell by my incessant writing. Well I know tommorow for sure if my voice 'handled it.' This vocal athlete is trying her best to get 'back into shape.' I've been so busy teaching music, I haven't had time to 'sing for myself' in almost 4 years! Wish me luck in my future endeavors, plan to see me at a concert if you like, and pray for my continued aspirations to be a better person and a better Christian.

New beginnings...where do I go from here?

This weekend was completely jammed packed for me. I didn't know it was going to be that way, but it was. Friday I last-minutely decided to help serve at a Metropolis fundraiser. It was good to meet new people and just be out. Saturday Jen invited me to a friend's 40th b-day party, and it was pretty cool too. I did end up losing my coat though. Somehow mine was confused, because there was one left not-as-similar but close enough to mine left over. So I have someone's coat now, and I really hope whoever has mine notices they have the wrong coat. They even have my gloves.

Well that's not really the point of my blog today. But hey it wouldn't be me if I didn't through in the 'how was my weekend' or 'week' stuff, right? There will be sometimes when I actually go in depth and talk about something really meaningful to me, but only as much as I feel comfortable sharing. Fair enough eh?

Well, suffice it to say I had a huge spiritual and emotional break-through this weekend. It just sort of hit me 'out of the blue' and it was not something I could ignore. God has been 'working at me' trying to dig out somethings I've been holding on to for some reason, and I needed to let it go. I think that I finally have, and I feel very free by Him. This leaves me very vulnerable though, intimidated, scared for the future. And I have direction, I just hope I continue on the right road.

Today at church I ran into someone I sang in Cantoria with for at least 2 years, but I never got to know (she was in a different part than I). Her singing moved me, I almost cried in church. Well she asked me about the DLT Challenge, and I was thinking about getting the brochure, but was so loopy for whatever reason (it's like my brain was erased or something) I didn't realize the meeting was today and you're supposed to sign up. So I conquer my fears, and go to the meeting. Yep, that's where I was supposed to be today. Normally I'm intimidated by the 'community' setting in the church. I know very little people, very little and despite that most of them went to TSU and were in my path there, I just never connected with them really. It's hard because I think I really need more Christian friends in my life to help guide me and set me straight. I feel like I've been 'doing this alone' which as we know is impossible and I fail every time. I was involved with a small few of these people in a Bible study at TSU, but now it's just akward for me even to say 'hello' because I'm worried they'll be like "why is she here?" I'm crazy, I know. I'm just really shy around situations that I don't 'have the feel of' just yet. I need to put more into my efforts and my walk with God, period. That's at least 90% of the problem I'm sure.

Well anyway, I'm off. I just need to be alone, reading, contemplating. I almost feel weak today, just not myself at all. I guess that's why I was 'loopy.' I can't even write straight, you wouldn't believe the strange wording mistakes I made while I was writing this; some are still there I'm sure. Well keep praying for me. I need it a lot!

Good News!

It's official! I found a roomie and she will be moving in at the end of February.

Thank you so much to all who prayed for me! Continue prayers that I am wise with my finances (meaning continuing to curb any credit card use), and that everything works well for us! Thank you God! Thank you friends and family who were so supportive in helping me get through emotional stress!

Also, since I have been on voice rest for a week, I did a bit of singing yesterday to 'test the waters.' I sang high enough and soft enough for me to rightfully say that the rest was effective. Thanks for those who prayed for my health, and continue to pray that I don't get sick anymore. 4 weeks was a long time to be sick and it's actually strange for me to not feel like junk right now. I didn't realize how sick I was until I was forced to be on 'shut down' mode.

Thanks again everyone!

Stay tuned for a list of things I learned this week, hey, when you are stuck at home for good or bad reasons you have a lot of time to think about stuff you 'motioned to table' in your brain until you could think about it in more depth. Mostly I discovered things that need to change. I've feel like these last three years I’ve been in a ‘slump’ of some sort, and I now feel that I’m finally coming out of it, whatever ‘it’ was. I just didn’t feel like myself, like I was dead or something. It’s all a process though, because I think I’ve been writing about it for almost a month now. Anyway, more about that later, it’s too early to think right now.

P.S. Just in case you were wondering, I'm not 'in love' with any particular individual right now, I just felt called to include it in my last post. Who says reading the Bible is boring eh? It's really beautiful in places if you know where to look :)

Love

This is one of my most favorite passage in the Bible. It has many profound meanings, and conjures many fond memories. The words in bold are the selections from this passage which speak to me most deeply. I don't know why exactly I felt the need to put this in my blog today, perhaps it was something I read. But this, most of all, sums up my feelings, thoughts, and emotions for this moment. There is not one specific reason I chose this, but simply that I felt called to do so.

"And now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians Chapter 13 (New International Version)