Goodbye 2004, Hello 2005

I never would have imagined how the events of one week in a year could unfold in such a way to change my view of the direction of my life. I feel like these last few days, maybe weeks, months have helped to change me in a very positive direction. It's strange that I am single and ok with it. In fact I want to be single. I feel like I have found a strength that I never knew was within me, or that was always there but I couldn't find it.

I went to church over this holiday, and also today and I felt like God was calling me to start over. He was the fuel lighting the fire that I felt was practically dead or dimmed for several years. I feel like I have been 'dead,' not myself, like something was missing, like the light in me was snuffed.

My first teaching experience led me to question my career choice. And while there were successes, I felt like certain factors were bogging me down, weighing me so far down that I could not really be the teacher I wanted to be and knew I could be. During that part of the time, I built up the courage to live on my own, alone with no roommate, in my hometown of STL. I think that was a very slow beginning to reach where I am exactly today. Eventually I reached the gumption to buy a house, of which I know also live on my own. While I would say that I miss 'my Princess' (college friend and roomie), there is something to be said about being an independent person. I also have a new position now that I absolutely love, and I feel like that change has also been a 'breath of fresh air.'

Granted, my friends and relationships have influenced who I am, and bad or good I am grateful that God gave me those experiences so that I could reach today, Jan. 2, 2005. I cannot particularily describe the amount of inexpressible freedom, like a lifting of a weight burdening me since I graduated from college the second time.

I do not think that how I feel right now can be described by one particular event, or be in direct relation to any one person in my life, but I just feel absolutely amazing. I feel like a once free, but then caged bird that has been set free after 3 and a half years of being stuck in the same place. While from this point on I may and probably will flounder around to figure out the answer to 'where do I go from here?,' the sky is the limit and who knows where my wings and the wind of change will take me.

Happy fabulous new year!