God reveals His plan

Remember when you got in trouble and your parents grounded you: they took away all privileges, and you were stuck at home or in your room? Ok, so all week, yes I know it’s only Wed., I have felt like I was grounded. Running around 'like a chicken with it's head cut off' (as Liz would say) is usually my bag. I am usually always busy, always doing something, planning, organizing, following through, producing, performing etc. in some fashion or another.

Lately I have been zoning off in front of the TV contemplating why God put me 'on rest' this week. I didn't really figure it out until now; this being other than the fact, that my voice needed a break from myriads of sicknesses I obtained from the kiddos. For the past 5-6 weeks I have been pushing myself beyond my limits. I had no clue I was doing this to myself, until I took a step back and looked at 'all the signs. In Dec. I had a car accident. I injured my ankle and sustained whiplash injuries to my neck. My car was wrecked and so was I. Yet, I took only 2 days rest before returning to work. The first day I was off I couldn't walk, the second day I couldn't move my neck, and somehow I decided I felt ok to return to work basically in full swing the next day. Maybe I was ready, maybe I wasn't, but I should have been more careful!

During Holiday break a couple weeks later; I used that time to regroup with friends and family that I hadn't had a chance to catch up with in a while. I took very little time for proper rest, and had very little regard for 'normal' hours. 1 week later I find myself sick on New Years' Eve. I managed to get some 24-hour flu. And with that my voice was hoarse the first week we are back to school. The second week of Jan. I recover for about 2 days; just enough to audition for choir, instantly the next day I have sinusitis of some sort also wreaking havoc on my voice. 3rd week of Jan. this turns into bronchitis, which of course the coughing of slamming my vocal cords together does not help the voice. Finally I get in to my dr. He prescribes antibiotics and INSISTS that I take a week off from teaching/singing/ and talking. He stated that while I can perform normal singing functions when I am well, I am hurting my voice by continuing to push through sickness after sickness. I ask for alternatives, and he orders me to rest no, if ands or buts, otherwise I'll be seeing him later with a pathology instead of an acute swelling. Ok then, I get the hint!

Back to the point, sorry I know I for some reason go on about details, but they can paint a picture to emphasize the point. So after a few days of feeling down, guilty, beating myself up over having to rest, I finally let go. That day is today. I resigned into vocal rest a long time ago, it's just I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything by resting (which of course I am). The whole point of rest is simply to rest, recuperate, to heal. I discovered that I need to learn the meaning of 'taking time for myself' again. It has very slowly come back into the picture of my life, but I don't think I give it enough credit. This week proves everything, what good am I to anyone if I push myself so hard that I'm sick and pretty much non-functional? You can't give anything to anyone or to your job, if you have nothing left to give because you used all your resources. One must replenish. I have tried, but apparently have failed miserably.

So after returning from Bible study, in which I kept my mouth shut as much as possible, I decided to pick up a book I bought a long time ago called "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I started reading this so long ago I don't even remember when. How's that for lack of devotion? What a pathetic Christian I have been. Not only does my lack of commitment to God extend to going to church but it transcends everything: my commitment to take time to rest, time to exercise, sacrifices to overcome bad habits, commitment to devotion, even commitment to heal myself etc. I need improvement. I know this, I've known it, I've tried to commence the improvement, but I haven't really stuck with it. Once there was a time, I exercised consistently. I felt better, looked better, overall everything was, better. Once there was a time where I had devotions every day, went to church every Sunday, and even went to Bible study. Slowly but surely all those things faded away, and now I'm left with my mistakes.

I then decide to pick up another book I purchased 'back in the day' but never followed through. It's called "The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord" by T.D. Jakes. I bought these when it was "Teacher Discount Day" and I needed and wanted a spiritual boost in my life. I have only read one chapter so far tonight, but I am amazed at how this books affirms the very feelings I have sensed as of late, but could not form into words or coherent thoughts. It will be rough, but I think God has not only given me this time for physical healing, but also for spiritual healing as well. Don't you love how God manages to tie everything together? I have discovered the meaning of my break, and I hope to use my last few days to their fullest potential.

Jakes writes, "The goal is ultimately a state of wholeness. That wholeness cannot be reached if you are not divorced from your past and prepared for your future." Wow, how incredibly powerful those words are: "divorced from your past" / "prepared for your future." Just think about that.