Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Shattered Aspirations

Like I was saying yesterday Kate and I were wandering around the mall for a 'blissful' (not really!) 3 hours trying to find a specific type of skirt for the St. Louis Women's Choir costume/uniform. I noticed that my left leg was bothering me again, and began to become really worried. As you know, 11+ days ago or so I ran 7 miles for the first time without problem. However, I also managed to step wierd on the heel of my shoe, and barely missed a major injury falling on the escalator. Thanks to Bernie and Jess I didn't land on my face! The next day I noticed pain in my left knee and near my left ankle. I just figured it was from falling or running or both and if I took a few days off I would be fine.

Wrong! Apparently I managed to damage a tendon (maybe around the soleus muscle if I remember correctly) and it refuses to heal. I have been out of running since last Monday and was going to try going at it again today. I 'jogged' a few feet from my classroom to the art room today for our activity during PDC, and noticed my left leg bothering me again. I called my chiropractor and asked her what I should do. She had me come in, and made sure it wasn't a fractured or broken bone. She then put me on electrotherapy, followed by a hot pack, follwed by ultrasound with china gel. It feels way better at the moment, and I'm going to see her tommorow.

Bad news is, there is no way I'll be ready for the half marathon in April. I was only half way there, and being out for 3-4 weeks before the marathon isn't going to cut it. Small tears dribbled out of my eyes as I realized this on the way home. I didn't realize how much doing this meant to me until I realized it was being taken away. I've never had an athletic injury before (even if this was from falling on the escalator, could have been the running with the wrong shoes I found out about later, who knows?).

I discovered I'm one of those types of people that always has to have a goal in life. I felt like I was working toward something that couldn't be anything but good for me physically and emotionally. I don't know if I'm being 'punished' or I'm missing some lesson here, but I just keep feeling like certain things close to me are being ripped out from under me. It's like giving someone a present, and then breaking it in some small way so it's useless. Wow, I'm really depressed about this, and I'm not quite sure why. Somehow training to run the half marathon was like a committment for me to 'start over' in life. Getting my healthy work out habits back again, over coming the 'pit falls' to failure and reaching a very cool goal.

On top of the fact I keep getting some cold, flu, or virus to keep me from being healthy for more than 2 days a week, now running is being taken away from me. This really sucks, and I'm ticked! I'm hurt and I hate it! Sorry, I'm just really really upset, especially the more I 'talk' about it. Please, pray for my healing. I apologize for being 'down' today, but hey not every day can be a good day I guess.

No comments: