My third decade

Whether I wanted it or not, I reached my third decade of life this last week. Personally I don't feel any different, but I can tell you I did not expect to be where I am in life as I am now. I don't know if it's the 30 blues or the fact that none of my friends were able or interested in doing anything this last weekend. It makes me feel sad. I know that I have not been as available, and the idea of having 'free' time is weird to me. I do know that I have made an effort to keep in touch where possible, but why is it that an effort is not so much made in return? I might be just about ready to finish my third degree, but that doesn't mean I've disappeared!

Is this because I'm one of the few single people left? Is it because their husbands are more important than celebrating with the girls? I understand family obligations or work snafus, but whatever the excuse, it's just an excuse.

At least I enjoyed a few nice nights out with Eric. We tried to enjoy Six Flags the weekend before, but I guess everyone thought the same thing we did, and we rode 5-6 rides in about 7 hours (it was sad!!!) My family took me out as well, and I anxiously await my present coming in the mail (YEAH!).

I just miss the close friendship bonds I guess. No one wants to talk anymore like we used to, they're too busy to keep up friendships with the girls. I don't get it. "Back in the day" you didn't go an hour without talking to your friends. I guess being older is different? I don't understand why it has to be this way. I guess people are just really busy, because I know in some cases that is true. But there are others who are notorious for not calling back and saying they will go somewhere and then don't. Well I'll repay that then and we'll call it even?

Anyway, I said where I am now wasn't what I hoped for. I didn't expect to constantly be concerned about my job being cut. It seems so common now, it's like old news, and it seems the only way to survive is to just give up and give in. I'm not sure why this is though, and it's frustrating to no end. I feel frustrated and confused. I feel stuck. I want to go forward and while I'm doing so in my third degree, it just seems like everything else is frozen; maybe I just need to hit the restart button and pretend it never happened.

You want to know what thirty feels like, at least for me? One word: BLAH!

Wow!

I'm too busy to write anything in particular, but this little girl is amazing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKKQCyfjo4E

Here's the finale:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYVXN7gk5W0

Pavarotti joins the angels in heaven today

Pavarotti died today from complications related to pancreatic cancer. It is said that his last words were:

"I believe that a life lived for music is an existence spent wonderfully."

Take a moment and just listen.

Midnight and Moonlight

School has begun (both of them), and things are going well. It's so wierd actually having weekends free again. Granted, they are every other weekend, but seriously, I didn't have more than a weekend here or there for about 8 months. Every other weekend just feels like I'm on vacation. It's NICE! Almost there!

Anyway, I've realized some pretty sad info that's not new. There are MANY poor abandoned kitties in the city of St. Louis. Two have decided to figure out my schedule and know when I will be home to feed them. One of them is maybe 6 months, the other older. I've named them Moonlight (for the black and white kitty) and Midnight (for the black kitty) yesterday. Midnight is scared of me, but Moonlight comes right to my door and waits for me. Cosetta was not amused last night when Moonlight tried to get in the house (which would not be good.)

If I take them to the Humane Society, they will most likely be euthanized, so what can I do but feed them. I used to be in the Cat Network, but they are always booked and I've already tried that route one other time.

Anyway, I'm not writing about anything of consequence. Just really writing to write. Later.

I'm a Mac Girl now!

I'm SO excited. Yesterday I purchased the last MacBook Pro (of the one I wanted) supposedly in the St. Louis area. I saved a ton buying on tax-free weekend and using my education discount (and let's not forget all the rebates I'll get in the mail too). Today I just figured out how to go wireless, very exciting. I'm well-versed in using a Mac for my job, but I've never had one of my very own. It will be interesting learning all the technical stuff, because I'm used that being done for me, but I welcome the challenge. Next up is figuring out how to make my printer and maybe even my stereo wireless with my airport :)

Talk about how much I still have to learn, when I first started this baby up, I hunted down all the driver disks for my PC stuff that I still use. Turns out, I don't even need them! That's how much better a mac is! Let's also talk about how my sales rep told me not to bother with the virus software, why? because MACS ARE BETTER!

I'm SO happy to be joining the Mac world. First I had o-t-j software training, next came the video IPOD I won, now FINALLY I have my very own :)

Almost done

Well it is unfortunate that summer (for me) is coming to a close. Summer is a cherished time where I have the freedom to choose what I want to do with no actual obligation to do anything specific. While I'd love to say I usually do nothing specific, I think I've only had 1 summer since college that I literally did nothing, no work, no classes, well maybe I worked on the house but that's about it. This summer marks the close of about a month's worth of extra work for some $$, and the completion of 'the big 2' as I call them. What's the big 2? Well those are the classes that usually kill a students' progress where I attend. But I made it, and with flying colors.

I cannot believe how fast the summer has flown. I really hope that this Fall does the same. I have one semester left, and then boards. It seems like eons ago when I was pulling my hair out and nothing was going right in any facet of my life. Now here I am, the beginning of a new year and hopefully the end of a 1 1/2 year journey to complete another degree. It's interesting how the actual new year does not seem to mean as much or bring about as much emotion, as does the beginning of a new school year. Maybe it's because I've been in school all my life, literally.

Here's to all the crazy people like me who work and go to school to improve their situation in life. Cheers!

Just saying hello

Well for those of you who for some strange reason like to read my random ramblings du jour, I just wanted to let you know that many of the issues I've been facing have passed or cooled down. I've felt like I was on vacation this last week because almost absolutely nothing of significance occurred. The holiday was nice, and one of my classes were canceled so I really had time to just 'take it easy' without going somewhere or doing something kinda vacation (or studying for tests).

Other than test stress, I've really been enjoying my clinical/class experiences this summer. I feel like many of the things that I've been learning are coming together, and various procedures and techniques are starting to feel easier and less awkward. Even my instructors are saying that I'm doing really well clinically, which is awesome in my book! Today my teacher jokingly said I should be the instructor after I had helped another student with a question she didn't know (only because she works at another location and things are different there.) I said thanks, but I just knew the answer because it was something I asked about last weekend from an employee... so there ya go.

I could always use prayers on passing the theory component of these 2 courses, so keep those going! I'm ALMOST done with my summer session. I'm VERY excited to be nearing the last few weeks of these courses. After that, I'm not going to school for a month! YEAH, four weekends off in a row!

God be with me, because really need to do well in these courses. 3 more weeks left!

After the month break, I should hopefully be DONE, I said D-O-N-E in 16 weeks! Please keep those prayers going, because I will need ALL the help I can get!

Yum, Cheesy Potatoes

Cheesy Potato Recipie: YUM, YUM




2 lb bag frozen potatoes (hash brown type only cubed
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 chopped onions
1 lb sour cream
1 cream of chicken soup can
2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese
1/2 cup butter

Melt the butter and mix all ingredients together. Back for 1 hour at 350 degrees. You can also half everything to make less of a party sized serving.

Breast Cancer Petition

There is a bill out there wanting to make insurance companies cover a minimum 48 hour hospital stay for those women who need it following a mastectomy. It is a very important bill! Go to this website and add your name to the petition.

I'm moving... again

Well, it looks like I'm going to moving... again. This time I'm moving to another state. It'll be a bit of drive to work, but most of it will be against traffic. If any of my St. L friends out there are available Sat., August 3rd just to help load the truck, I would truly appreciate your help. I'm going to arrange for help unloading at the new destination with other friends so no one except a few will be doing both. Wish me luck!

Current River Float Trip

Alley Spring Mill

Part of the Alley Spring

This last weekend Eric and I went to Emminence, MO and completed our annual canoe trip vacation. This year we went on the Current River from Round Spring Landing to Two Rivers Landing. One thing about floating near the springs, was that we noticed the water was VERY cold in those areas. It made for a brisk, invigorating swim. For the most part, it was a nice day until it decided to rain for about 20 minutes, but for whatever reason I found it to be the most funny thing ever. It was really a blast! Not to hot, not to cold and just enough sun. I forgot to put sunscreen on my legs so I have a nice random, patchy sunburn on my legs and little square on my feet from my sandals.

This year we wanted to do something special, try something different, and also be a little bit lazy. We stayed at Coldwater Ranch in one of the luxury cabins, complete with full kitchen, linens, a/c, fireplace, and best of all a Jacuzzi tub. It was VERY nice. The fire ring was already loaded with wood, and we had plenty more set up for us on the side. They even provided a gas or charcoal grill for use.

On Sunday, we went horseback riding and then visited two springs. Last year we visited the round spring and blue spring, so now it's a tradition. This year we visited Alley Spring and the Rocky Falls, both equally cool. We learned that 81 million gallons of water run through the Alley Spring and that Rocky Falls is a formation made from an old volcano. Normally the water would run deeper through the rock, but this particular rock is harder than the usual volcano rock.

While all places posted no vacancy signs, we found it interesting that in parts it seemed we basically had the river all to ourselves. It was very calming and relaxing. I have way more pictures, but I'm including four for your viewing pleasure. If you want to be in the outdoors, but don't like dealing with the hassle of camping, this is the way to go. It was most beneficial as it started raining again by the time we arrived home. The whole starting a fire in the rain, was a non issue. It was nice to say the least. I would go back to Coldwater any day. Maybe next time I'll invite more friends (who like their a/c) to join us in the bigger cabins in the future.

Cabin Jacuzzi

Rocky Falls

The tide is turning

Slowly but surely the tide is turning. The storm is letting up just enough for me to breathe, and I am taking in as much air as I can. I'm not in the clear just yet, but yes things are improving.

Finally!

No, I have not done my research on this person, but I have seen this video. I will probably offend someone, but I am downright tired of being told what I am going to do rather than actually having a choice about it! (Yes, I do vote.)

Who am I?

I'm looking in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. Where have I been for the last year? I feel like I just woke up from a coma. Will I be able to repair the damage that I have caused in 'my absence?' I'm listening to people's discussions, and I seriously don't remember 90% of anything, and then it hit me a couple of weekends ago.

Who was I for 9 months? Why I am just now waking up? I'm confused!

Serenity Prayer

I only have the first part memorized, but I really could use it about now. Keep those prayers going, I'm really in some sticky places.

Here I go again

Well I guess I got to be on the top of the roller coaster yesterday, and I was also most of today until about 300 pm. Can I get off the ride now? I am about to be sick. Actually I take that back, I became sick after the news today.

Prayers, I really need some prayers. I know life is not about security, and it sure aint about serenity, but just for once I need a little bit. Not just for a day, but at least the rest of the year would be nice or something.

Seriously, it does get better right?

RECYCLE I SAY!

Did you know that since I have started recycling, I have hardly any trash that gets thrown away? Really! My trash hardly ever is full so now I have to remember to empty it for the stink factor. If I had a compost, I would have even less trash.

Apparently the main thing I use is plastic and paper, but the top winner is plastic. Did you know that in order to make plastic, manufacturers use oil? Guess what is a non-renewable resource? Oil! Did you also know that when you throw plastic (and aluminum) away it just sits in the ground doing nothing? It never bio degrades people! One aluminum can can power a TV for 4 hours... think about all the stuff you are throwing away we can reuse (think about all that TV you watch.) Too bad we can't just throw the can in a machine and poof, 'free' electricity.

START recycling today!!!!!
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Now that I'm off my soap box, here's an update. My brother has been out of the hospital. He is still 'off,' and they are expecting it to be so for at least 4-6 months until his brain heals. My personal issues are much improved, and I have discussed with previously mentioned closest person and an agreement/understanding has been reached. That said, I also got a 96% on my test today (of the class I was thinking I was going to drop due to overload.) I think I might even get a 98% because one question I got wrong was not anywhere to be found in the notes from which the test was based. Wish me luck!

Anyway, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your prayers (and yes, God has been thanked a zillion times over too). Keep 'em coming! The other class I'm in I'm told is ridiculously hard (which is why I was thinking of dropping the other). In reality, they're both REALLY tough. I have a test on Monday. I'm also told to do really well on the first two tests, because the last two are monsters. PLEASE pray for me. I can't afford (literally) to take these classes again, and I also getting tired of working and going to school. BTW, I would never wish my fate on anyone. What I'm doing right now IS HARD, excruciatingly.

The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Never a dull moment

My life is never without a dull moment. I feel as if I'm constantly on a roller coaster of events, and the emotions that go with it are taking pieces of me bit by bit. If anything, I need prayer for peace. I need prayers for patience. I need prayers that in whatever way God wants things to happen, God gives me the strength to move forward and be strong.

Right now I just want to quit everything. I feel like I have taken a certain person in my life for granted and now it's biting me in the you-know-where. I feel that because of what I have chosen to do will cost me someone very close to me, if it hasn't already. I mean I can't stand my life much longer this way, how could I expect others too? The path of life is not worth it to me without someone to share it with. I just want to be stable. I want to have options open. I'm tired of doors slamming in my face without another one in site. Where's the other door that's open? Did I drive by it too fast? Was my head stuck in a book when I was supposed to be looking? Was I having a really horrible day and couldn't see anything but the next test or clinical experience coming up to notice it?

Now it's as if all that momentum to do well is failing, and I just want to quit and take a break, but I can't. It's just not monetarily feasible. Tuition is paid and I wouldn't get much back. I'm a little lacking in the strength department, and I'm finding myself very vulnerable. I'm insecure and feeling VERY alone. I know God's here next to me, but I can't feel anything but loneliness.

I've learned that the older I'm getting, the harder it is to find single friends who can be supportive. There are just not that many of them anymore. I have come very far in my journey, but I finding it hard to continue to push, and the end goals seems so far away. Help.

PS Good news: My brother was released from the hospital, but he still has a long road of recovery before they can do anything more.

The other side

About a week to the day I found out my brother was admitted to the hospital for TBI secondary to TIA's. They did an MRI three weeks before and found nothing, three weeks later they found lesions/bleeding the parietal, temporal, and occipital areas of the brain. He's been in ICU for a week now and last night they moved him to a MED-SURG floor. I guess they kept him in ICU so long because he needed to be supervised, but really he just need a sitter and could have been out as soon as Sunday in my opinion. (My mom agrees and she's an APN.) Anyway, it was strange being on the other side of the experience: NS to family member of patient in the hospital, but I also felt more useful just because I understood more about what was going on.

He is getting better as the blood is reabsorbed, but it's hard to tell because they keep sedating him so he doesn't over react to his confusion (being that there is a problem interferring with his mental faculties.) I can't believe the Dr.'s even considered putting him in the psych ward because of his confusion, when the problem is primarly neurological injury (two completely different types of floors in hospitals.) At least they decided correctly and went with Med-Surg. My mom and I would have not stood for otherwise. Personally I think he needs to be at another bigger hospital more capable of handling his situation specifically. I know because that was my last rotation.

Anyway, pray that his healing progresses so that then more tests can be run to find out what area is the focal point of his seizures so they can successfully perform surgery (if possible) and alleviate the problem which put him in the hospital in the first place. (Run on sentences are fun!)