Almost done

It's such a beautiful day outside, and here I am inside contemplating what chore or errand can I come up with to conjure a reason to go outside for a while. Since I don't own a house anymore, I don't have any gardening or mowing to do so I have an excuse, oh well. I have three more tests and this semester is over. I can't believe I've made it this far. This school year has been a challenge to say the least.

I will have four more classes left and assuming all goes well, I will be done in Decemeber. Somehow I wish it could be sooner because what is happening in my other school experience. But I'm choosing not to think on that.

Instead I will focus on the fact that I am half way done in my endeavors to move on in life, and never having to worry about having a job ever again. It will be nice when I get there. I think I might clean my car. It's been since August since the inside has been vaccummed (yes, I know it's sad.) Then I shall study until I can study no more.

More from my cousin

My cousin writes and says he is doing ok. If you are sending care packages he says that the kids like hard candy and pens. Here's a utube showing some pictures that a Marine took in '06. The link has more good pictures, but they are harder to see details.

Colon Cancer

Did you know that colon cancer is the third leading cause of death in men, and the fourth leading cause of death in women? Did you also know you can decrease your risk by following a healthy diet and making sure you are screened when called for? Here's some info about what a good diet entails:

Diet and colon cancer to prevent colon cancer

"People can change their eating habits by reducing fat intake, and increasing fiber (roughage) in their diet. Major sources of fat are meat, eggs, dairy products, salad dressings, and oils used in cooking. Fiber is the insoluble, non- digestible part of plant material present in fruits, vegetables, and whole-grain breads and cereals. It is postulated that high fiber in the diet leads to the creation of bulky stools which can rid the intestines of potential carcinogens. In addition, fiber leads to the more rapid transit of fecal material through the intestine, thus allowing less time for a potential carcinogen to react with the intestinal lining. For additional information, please read the Colon Cancer Prevention article." Other reasons I found that may make a person high risk: colon polyps, ulcerative colitis, and genetics.

Who Knew?

Turns out I went to the same great schools as the emerging actress Jenna Fischer. She is starring in Blades of Glory and is known for her role in The Office. Maybe one day I could be famous :)

Hilarious!

Any of you movie goers out there in need of some serious laughs MUST see Blades of Glory. I haven't laughed that hard since Tommy Boy.

Can't Stand It

This is my rant for the day. This day sucks!

My cousin is going to Iraq...

I just found out my cousin leaves for Iraq soon. Please pray for him and his batallion's safe return.
Here is one uTube videos that someone made of their training.

Too much at once

Ok, so I am known for overdoing it, but after much torment I wind up being very sucessful or having successful outcomes. But why why why does it all have to come at once? I hate taking tests, tests aren't fun, writing them, grading them, studying for them. No one, not really anything can prepare you for the tests of life. So why does it always feel like I'm thrown the big whoppers all at the same time? Did I sign up for this and ask that my soul be cultivated in such a way that the same themes reappear and reappear and just keep getting harder and harder. It's like I'm playing the same video game, and I pass all the levels, however the levels look the same, maybe slightly different and they just keep getting harder and harder with no escape of just even remotely beating the darn thing until the next edition comes out. A few moments in the bonus land, and then BAM, back to the dungeon with your demon to conquer at the end.

In cognitive therapy a person is taught how to untwist their thinking or their reactions to life so they have better coping skills, ultimately less stress leading to a balanced life (can you tell I'm in a psych class?). I feel like I have the bonus level for a bit, and then the same levels reappear: they're just harder, more complicated and at first my emotional responsive kicks in, and then my brain goes into red alert in the defense mechnism of suppression just to stay alive. I have changed so many things and am doing so much better with some odds and ends that got me into trouble in the past. Why do I then have to start over AGAIN?

I guess maybe cuz I fixed those things, now again I can deal with the other things like my themes of love/relationship and job/career concerns. I'm a risk taker, especially when I strongly believe it's a good risk. I like to affect change for the better, maybe that's why I'm always on the go, on the move, busy busy busy. I push myself, hard, probably harder than anyone in my life besides God could push. I don't handle well with compromise of who I am, my values or core beliefs.

I do have the ability to let things slide, but when push comes to shove, and I'm pushed and pushed on certain issues, I'm shoving off. No way will I stand to be verbally negated on a semi-regular basis (putting it nicely). No wonder I've been in defense, it just hit me today, like a big conclusion to a really long paragraph that went on and on but finally got to the point. I always know it's coming, but why when it happens is it such the big shock? Maybe I just denied myself and then presto chango, I suddenly can't deny it anymore.

I hold certain beliefs pertaining to people of all backgrounds, races, creeds, sex, orientation, ethics etc. My whole life I've been brought up this way, further compounded by my educational experiences and choice of profession: service related. Include animals too, they also deserve a kind of respect, along with nature and other things that I'm sure I'm forgetting. I would consider myself a relatively open minded individual, libral even on many topics. It's built in to my upbringing and education and well I said that already. But the lines been crossed and there is no going back on this issue. It reminds me of the saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all."

So two days from now, this blog could be old news and issues have been resolved and I'm singing a different tune. But that's life, it's one big song with many moods, tempos, key signature changes, accidentals, modulations and movements. But it's my song, and I've got to write it. Life is the muse which influences the composition of our soul. It is the music of now. You can't change it, once it's been written, but you can change how it will sound in the future and what you sing/play in the now of today.

*********
That's it I'm out. I need to add some rests in my song of this moment. I've sung the movement of today and now I need to stop singing and just listen so I can improve the song that will begin again new tommorow.

I choose freedom

My values will not be torn down by your irrational hatred of men.

I choose equality! I choose freedom!

I must remain true to myself.

Maybe you'll come around,

maybe you'll turn back the other way.

In either case, I will not be swayed.

Apparently it's intuition

Something just didn't feel right yesterday, and now I know why. The answer came today in the form of a letter that I was required to sign. Verbal reassurances made, but things in writing clearly stating otherwise. Resources consulted and again reassurances made. Point is, why write the letter in a fashion other than what is 'supposed to be' than what actually is?

Spring Break is here, and for the first time in a long time I felt like a normal human being. I didn't do any homework all week (not really anyway.) That'll change come Sunday, but for now I'm going to enjoy my time to deal with other issues.

I've noticed that when one area of my life is tough, the other areas let up just enough for me to be able to handle it. I'd like to think that's God taking care of me so I can make it through this.

I need more confidence

Have you ever gone through a period where you just feel completely self-conscious about everything? I guess it's good to have a little awareness, but for whatever reason I just feel like I'm walking on broken glass. As if I make the wrong step, I'll slip and fall and just be a complete mess. Even when I'm successful, I'm not confident that it was good enough. Maybe that's the music in me talking... always striving for something better.

I guess I'm all discombobulated for various reasons. I'm taking a lot of risks and going outside the box and it makes me nervous. Sometimes I mess up, and other times I'm completely surprised by the feedback I get from those around me. I do think though it has been catching up on me. I'm getting sick again. I haven't been this sick since my allergies were on crazed mode in college. I haven't had a sinus infection in 5-6 years and all of sudden I'm getting them all the time. I don't know what's going on. This winter it was so bad, that my vocal cords were unable to articulate a sound, and I had to go on rest for 2 weeks (I was miserable.) Spring comes and here I am with my second sinus problem. I'm wondering if the black mold from the room below has made it into my room. How else would I all of a sudden be a sinus mess when I've been fine for soooo long?

Anyway, who wants to hear about that. St. Louis is one of the all time allergy areas, and I've made it this far. I'll figure it out. Maybe I'm allergic to something new or in my room at work.

I guess what I'm trying to say that being sick makes me nervous too. Because it affects how I sound for my job. I feel like I'm going above and beyond this year, and yet I still feel like I have failed somehow. I've done more this year than I've ever thought I could do, and yet I still feel like it's not enough. Like I'm a leper and in a world all my own. Don't know where my confidence went, but I really hope it comes back soon. :)

Why I hate my car and other thoughts of today.

When I bought my first brand new car I thought it the best thing ever. I felt like I had a million dollars and I was some rich, fancy person in a brand, spanking new vehicle. Ah, those were the good ole' days. 83xxx miles later and many oil changes to boot, my feelings about my 'baby' have changed. Gone are the days of very little repairs and only having to get an oil change or tire rotation. Here's what the consumer report in '02 did NOT tell me about my wonderful little car:

1. At the first brake replacement (around 2 years) one must likely purchase not only brakes but new calipers (because they freeze easily), and rotors (because my brand of car likes to put very thin rotors in your car at purchase so the 'gas mileage looks good'.)

2. In 5 years you have to do the same to the rear calipers, rotor and brakes.

3. 4 sets of brake pads, 4 calipers and two rotors later; I'm saving up to replace the rotors in the back too because they are boarder-line.

4. If you like trying to find 195/50/16R tires and spending a lot of money for them, you would love my car! Low wall tires that explode (twice!) while on the highway are fabulous! Not only are these tires usually special order, you get to spend all day making calls around town finding them, they range between $100-$250 each depending on how long you want your tire to last.

5. 3 years after purchasing your car, expect at least one of the automatic locks to get stuck and stop working properly.

6. After two years expect the transmission display (of very thin plastic) to crack. And then two years later (after warranty) expect it to happen again (even if you but actually use the car.)

7. For whatever particular reason, my car seems to enjoy batteries as well (but I also have a tendency to accidentally leave the dome light on. OOPS!)

Pros about the car: Roomy for the price, stereo is decent, when a caliper doesn't freeze on you it actually has pretty good 'zoom zoom,' automatic doors and moon roof, shiny wheels (if that's your thing), engine and radiator seem to do well.

I might be on the look out for a different car in a year or so. Any suggestions on ones you personally own and love? I want pros and cons... real ones from actual consumers.

-----Other Thoughts-----

If you think about it going to get your car fixed is like going to the see the Dr. You really don't enjoy it, but it's a requirement of life (unless you don't own a car.) Every time you visit it's usually because something is wrong. You have symptoms of a less-than-desirable nature, and you are visiting because you want them to go away in the fastest time possible. You know it's going to cost a lot, and usually when you've got the verdict, it feels like you're being told you're going to die in a week (well maybe more like your pocket book will.)

Mechanics are like Dr.'s for machines and should probably get more credit for what they do. They aren't doing surgery on people, but they do mechanical surgery on your car. As one mechanic put it to me the other day "when a mechanic handles and fixes your brakes, they are taking the owner's lives into their hands." I've never really thought about a car that way, have you? When a Dr. takes care of you, your health or life is on the line; mechanics are similar in that your car's health (your mental health) and your life is on the line.

So then I'm thinking. Why don't we have car insurance that works like health insurance? Why doesn't the car insurance company pay or offer a discounted co-pay for preventative maintenance like the health insurance companies do? You know they are making tons from insurance premiums, so why not give the costumer more for their buck? They could even go so far as to be like the 'wonderful' hmo's and only allow a certain amount to be charged for a specific service. They could also go so far as to recommend highly skilled professional mechanics from a list to choose from (ie the primary care mechanic :) This idea could probably be of benefit to both consumer, business owner, and insurance company. There are always drawbacks and the choice shouldn't be required, but it sounds like a good idea to me. If I had preventative maintenance coverage in addition to accident coverage, I bet my car would be in tip top shape and last a lot longer and I'd have a lot less stress when something supposedly 'minor' (which it never is financially) goes wrong.

New favorite website

Don't have time to watch tv or forget what channel everything is on? Don't have tivo and hate commercials, but wouldn't mind 2 or three? Don't have cable or have a bad reception? Love watching things on ABC? You must go here!!!! It's the best thing ever invented!!!

Things to try to add to your chili

Late yesterday, I prepared chili for the work pot luck chili day. I tried something different just for fun and found it to be quite the interesting idea. I'm also including ideas from other chillies that I tasted:

My random (they are always random) chili included the usual, but last night I tried: cinnamon, brown sugar (small amount), curry, Ragu spaghetti sauce (I just needed a little more tomato sauce and I ran out), and jalapeno pepper juice (not the pepper just a little bit of a small jar of juice). It resulted in a smooth tasting chili that was sweet at first, but was then spicy (spicy enough for spicy people, but not long lasting enough so that your mouth was burning when you were done.) YUM!

Veggie Chili: I learned something about adding a tablespoon and a half of vinegar makes the difference in this kind of chili.

Tomato Soup: Another chili I had definitely had Campbell's tomato soup for the base. Interesting, but yummy.

I had three favorites that I tried today at work, mine, the one next to mine, and the chili with what tasted like tomato soup.

Let me know what interesting things you put in your chili :)

Brain Attack (formerly known as Stroke)

Did you know that brain attack (stroke) is the 3rd leading cause of death in the U.S.? Main cause is heart attack, 2nd is cancer, 3rd is stroke. Don't think it can't happen to you.

Nonmodifiable risk factors (you can't do anything about them):
Heredity, Gender, Age (older usually), Race (African-American, Asian), Diabetis Mellitus, Artheroscerosis.

Here are risk factors you can control:
Hypertension: HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE IS THE LEADING CAUSE!
Obesity, SMOKING, Hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol), Heavy ETOH (alcohol) intake, Physical inactivity, Cocaine abuse, Carotid stenosis (occlusion in carotid arteries-plaque), oral contraceptives (thicken the blood), and atrial fibrillation (irregular heart beat.)

If you have more than one factor here, especially modifiable you might want to rethink your lifestyle. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm just learning this stuff and though you'd want to know. It's pretty scary if you think about it.

Here's how to decrease your chances: Control B/P to below 120/80. Stop smoking. Exercise as noted below. Maintain ideal body weight. > 50 years old should take a baby asparin q day. Eat fish 2-3x a week. Don't take B.C. if you smoke. < ETOH. Take Vit. E and B. < your salt intake.

Now exercise is considered to be adequate at 30-60 minutes 5-6 days per week. Guess I really need to work on that one :)

Hangin' in there

I can't believe that after the conclusion of next week it will be March. How crazy is that?! Keep things flying... that's what I say. I more week and I'll have another 4.0 cr hrs under my belt. 8 more weeks and the Spring semester is complete, and I managed to not have a life for most of it :)

Found out some disconcerting news at work today. I don't know what it means for my future. When I figure it out, I'm sure I might say something here.

I've had a long day. Time to retire for the evening.

Sad News

Hank was my Dad's uncle, read on. By HAL BOCK, AP Sports Writer NEW YORK (AP) -- Hank Bauer, the hard-nosed ex-Marine who returned to baseball after being wounded during World War II and went on to become a cornerstone of the New York Yankees dynasty of the 1950s, died Friday. He was 84. Bauer died of cancer in Shawnee Mission, Kan., said the Baltimore Orioles. Bauer managed the 1966 Orioles to their first World Series title. A three-time All-Star outfielder, Bauer played on Yankees teams that won nine American League pennants and seven World Series in 10 years. He set the Series record with a 17-game hitting streak, a mark that still stands. "Hank Bauer is an emblem of a generation that helped shape the landscape of our country," Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said in a statement. "He was a natural leader and a teammate in every sense of the word, and his contributions went well beyond the baseball field. His service to the Yankees, his country, and his family shows why I have been so privileged to call him a friend." Surrounded by sluggers such as Mickey Mantle and Yogi Berra, Bauer was a major ingredient in the Yankees' success during his years in New York from 1948-59.

Bauer was wounded at Okinawa, hit in the left thigh by shrapnel in his 53rd day on the island.

"We went in with 64 and six of us came out," Bauer said.

After he was discharged, Bauer signed with the Yankees minor league affiliate at Kansas City and after two .300 seasons there, he moved to New York in 1948. A year later, Casey Stengel became the manager and Bauer moved into the lineup as the Yankees began their run.

Bauer batted .320 in his second full season and became a fixture in the Yankee outfield alongside Mantle. The two outfielders became close friends, and Bauer was a pallbearer at Mantle's funeral in 1995.

Equipped with a strong arm, Bauer was a dead pull fastball hitter, a disadvantage at Yankee Stadium with its spacious left field. He once said that if he hit a ball to right field, it was an accident.

Bauer batted .277 with 164 homers and 703 RBIs. It was in the World Series that he excelled, from a Series-ending catch at his knees against the New York Giants in 1951 to his final Series appearance in 1958, when he hit .323 with four homers and eight RBIs as the Yankees beat the Milwaukee Braves in seven games.

"Maybe I bore down a lot more in the Series," Bauer said. "I had my luck. I had my good days and bad ones. I played for the right organization."

In 1959, after the Yankees finished behind the Chicago White Sox, Bauer was part of a seven-player trade with Kansas City that delivered a young Roger Maris to New York. Two years later, Maris set a season record with 61 homers, a mark that stood until 1998.

Bauer kept his Marine Corps crewcut through his baseball career and beyond. After he retired, he returned home to the Kansas City area, where he scouted for the Yankees and the Royals. Later, he was a regular at Yankee annual Old-Timers' Days, an opportunity to reunite with friends from those championship seasons.

Follow Through

I have to vent because it really irks me and almost hurts my feelings. Everyone knows that if you commit yourself to doing something, especially for someone else, especially a friend, you should follow through. This particular instance just made me feel like a certain person could give a crap less about me. Fine, chose not to offer to do anything for me, whatever. But when a request is made, say no and/or ignore it all together. I would get the hint. Don't say something back in several different instances like "Sure no problem" when you have no intention of following through on your offer. It's no skin off my back that you did not help me, it's the fact that you didn't follow through is what hurts.

(edited)

I guess I'm out then. Thinking about why is a waste of my precious study time and space. I have people and friends who truly care and follow through. I've even had people go way out of their way during my personal emergencies to help me. I asked for a favor on one, small tiny insignificant thing, and it is completely clouding my ability to ever accept you again. Friends follow through and are there for each other. Where were you?

Needed to hear this today

I am worn down. This song inspiries me to keep going on.

Another great work for me (although I have not a copy of the music)

English text
by Colonel Henry Heveningham

If music be the food of love,
sing on till I am fill'd with joy;
for then my list'ning soul you move
with pleasures that can never cloy,
your eyes, your mien, your tongue declare
that you are music ev'rywhere.

Pleasures invade both eye and ear,
so fierce the transports are, they wound,
and all my senses feasted are,
tho' yet the treat is only sound.
Sure I must perish by our charms,
unless you save me in your arms.

Global Warming is Real and It's Here NOW

Even if you don't like Al Gore, see this movie. The pictures, the data, the facts can't be a lie. I find it hard to believe that our consumerist life-style is not taking it's toll on the earth. When I have some time to acquire it, I'm going out and getting special receptacles to start recyling now (before I just did paper, plastic, and alum at school but not at home really). I will replace my light bulbs with the new more energy efficient ones. I will keep my car in check so it's not polluting the earth any more than it has too, and when I can will be buying something that is either low emissions or none at all if by that time they have reinstated a viable (& affordable) electric car. Do it now!

My motivation, picturing a polar bear that is swimming 600 miles and drowning because it has no where to rest (because the arctic is melting!)