Have you ever gone through a period where you just feel completely self-conscious about everything? I guess it's good to have a little awareness, but for whatever reason I just feel like I'm walking on broken glass. As if I make the wrong step, I'll slip and fall and just be a complete mess. Even when I'm successful, I'm not confident that it was good enough. Maybe that's the music in me talking... always striving for something better.
I guess I'm all discombobulated for various reasons. I'm taking a lot of risks and going outside the box and it makes me nervous. Sometimes I mess up, and other times I'm completely surprised by the feedback I get from those around me. I do think though it has been catching up on me. I'm getting sick again. I haven't been this sick since my allergies were on crazed mode in college. I haven't had a sinus infection in 5-6 years and all of sudden I'm getting them all the time. I don't know what's going on. This winter it was so bad, that my vocal cords were unable to articulate a sound, and I had to go on rest for 2 weeks (I was miserable.) Spring comes and here I am with my second sinus problem. I'm wondering if the black mold from the room below has made it into my room. How else would I all of a sudden be a sinus mess when I've been fine for soooo long?
Anyway, who wants to hear about that. St. Louis is one of the all time allergy areas, and I've made it this far. I'll figure it out. Maybe I'm allergic to something new or in my room at work.
I guess what I'm trying to say that being sick makes me nervous too. Because it affects how I sound for my job. I feel like I'm going above and beyond this year, and yet I still feel like I have failed somehow. I've done more this year than I've ever thought I could do, and yet I still feel like it's not enough. Like I'm a leper and in a world all my own. Don't know where my confidence went, but I really hope it comes back soon. :)
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