Untitled

99% of the time I have no clue what to 'name' my random ramblings, which are but a miniscule detail in my ever-changing, complex world these days. I was reading a friend's blog today on communities and it encouraged me to rethink the thing I usually say to people when asking how they are doing. Anyone who knows me, I'm sure, has heard "So, how's it going in your world?" or "How's life been treating you in 'Lori' land?" for example. I know it's silly, but if you think about it, we all might live on the same planet, but we all have our different lives or 'worlds' as I like to call them.

I was thinking about how I have pretty much chosen to be isolate from the community in which I live. I live in a house close to work, that I bought and updated. At the time it was my pet project, but now I'm ready to move on. I have no desire to be tied down to a house that I once thought would bring me some sense of security. While I have not moved in three years, there are still uncertain increases in price with a home that would be almost the equivelant of rent going up at an apartment. While the tax credit is nice, I no longer desire to be tied down. I want out of the current world that I have built for myself. I no longer desire the dwelling of a home, but at least an apartment with laundry hook-ups or my own personal washer dryer included would be ok, I think. I no longer need or want the back yard. I've only moved up to an uncovered driveway so that's not much to boast about. So what, I'm a single girl with her own house. It's really not as uncommon as my parents led me to believe. Many of my teacher friends have their own houses, I'm just sure they don't have as much student loans following them around like I do.

Which reminds me, how is it fair that I can't get student loan forgiveness simply because I took out my student loan in 1996 as opposed to 1998 when my school will be labeled as low-income next year? Another random reason why I'm disgruntled with 'my world.'

I never planned for an escape route after choosing a stable, secure plan for college, for living, for life. I did not fully prepare for a major change as what I'm currently undertaking. In the back of my mind I always knew this to be a possibility, but I never thought it would come to fruition. I can't go back or change my decisions, I can only deal with the cards I chose to be 'hit' with or the ones I chose to keep or toss.

My world is a wild zoo yet to be finished-- with clear cut paths on roads already accomplished and dirt trails emerging toward places yet to be discovered. I have so much occuring in my life, it's almost ridiculous. It's not anything I can't handle, just sometimes I allow it to overwhelm me and I feel like I can't handle it. I'm not sure if it's coincidence, but my body is worn down and I'm always getting headaches where I hadn't ever had much of problem with these before. I guess that's because I really do need to see the chiropractor; an adjustment and massage would do me good. I'm sure I can hold out till Friday, it's already been at least a month. Do you ever realize that if you follow through with things on a consistent basis you forget how you were benefitting or why you were doing it to begin with? I mean I don't really start to notice my spinal disalignments until I'm not adjusted for a long period of time, and life's wear and tears start wearing and tearing on me just that much harder. Interesting.