I wish I could more easily accept the things that I cannot change. I'm am ready for change, but as it currently stands I'm waiting around for the 'go signal.' For me that signal is getting out of this house. The house is a great buy for those who don't want to have to make any major changes because they've already been done with a newer: roof, a/c, windows, water heater, furnace, carpet, paint, covered deck (newly stained), woodburning stove, finished basement etc. The problem seems to be that many of the houses around me that are starting to go on sale are priced really low, but also don't have as much to offer. So I sucked it up, and lowered the price. This weekend will be another open house. I pray that God looks out for me because I'm ready to move on to the next chapter in my life.
Truth be told, I enjoyed living here. Lots of space. Freedom to do what I want. No noise from apt. neighbors. Very close to work and places I need to be. What I didn't enjoy were prices going up (taxes, insurance) and things I had to fix unexpectedly along the way. It must be a rule in my life that I will never get ahead financially.
This month I was going to 'be ahead,' but no I get a speeding ticket on the way home and that was WITH actually following the signs. The guy pulled me over apparently because I didn't instantly slam on the breaks when it went from 65 to 45 in a very small area of road. He even followed me for the equivalent of a few blocks at the correct speed and then pulled me over. How rude! So there goes another amount to have it taken care of, among other things I need to pay for this month.
So, basically, I feel like I'm living in a prison. What is to be my time to recooperate before going full swing again in another month in a half, is going to be full-time work at a very not-so-exciting job. It's not bad if you like standing around, despearately waiting for a customer just for something to do. There are only so many times you can organize and clean.
In another way I'm almost insulted that I have to work two jobs, technically I have 3. I did the same amount of schooling another friend of mine did. She makes $90k and I will make much much much less than that this next year. I'm getting a pay cut, she'll probably be getting a pay raise. I will be getting paid the equivalent of a 2nd year salary, and I should be making the six year salary. I wish I really understood what my parents referred to as: you won't make a lot of money. I translated my choice to: I'll be happy, and I'll make enough to be comfortable. Every year I've had to worry about whether I'm going to be full time, and there is only so much a person can take. It's very disheartening in many many ways to realize that America does not value my job or education required to do my job enough for me to make a decent living. Most people do not realize what we really do and what our job entails. Our positions are not as cush-cush as most thing.
It's hard not to take it personally. I feel like a failure, very much I felt I had failed my whole life yesterday. So what I graduated, and have some things to show for it. But eeking by every day from check to check, and every year worrying about job status is not a stable experience.
God please let the house sell in time. I have to start moving on this Fall. I want things to change, I just need you to let me.
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