Did you know that since I have started recycling, I have hardly any trash that gets thrown away? Really! My trash hardly ever is full so now I have to remember to empty it for the stink factor. If I had a compost, I would have even less trash.
Apparently the main thing I use is plastic and paper, but the top winner is plastic. Did you know that in order to make plastic, manufacturers use oil? Guess what is a non-renewable resource? Oil! Did you also know that when you throw plastic (and aluminum) away it just sits in the ground doing nothing? It never bio degrades people! One aluminum can can power a TV for 4 hours... think about all the stuff you are throwing away we can reuse (think about all that TV you watch.) Too bad we can't just throw the can in a machine and poof, 'free' electricity.
START recycling today!!!!!
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Now that I'm off my soap box, here's an update. My brother has been out of the hospital. He is still 'off,' and they are expecting it to be so for at least 4-6 months until his brain heals. My personal issues are much improved, and I have discussed with previously mentioned closest person and an agreement/understanding has been reached. That said, I also got a 96% on my test today (of the class I was thinking I was going to drop due to overload.) I think I might even get a 98% because one question I got wrong was not anywhere to be found in the notes from which the test was based. Wish me luck!
Anyway, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your prayers (and yes, God has been thanked a zillion times over too). Keep 'em coming! The other class I'm in I'm told is ridiculously hard (which is why I was thinking of dropping the other). In reality, they're both REALLY tough. I have a test on Monday. I'm also told to do really well on the first two tests, because the last two are monsters. PLEASE pray for me. I can't afford (literally) to take these classes again, and I also getting tired of working and going to school. BTW, I would never wish my fate on anyone. What I'm doing right now IS HARD, excruciatingly.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Never a dull moment
My life is never without a dull moment. I feel as if I'm constantly on a roller coaster of events, and the emotions that go with it are taking pieces of me bit by bit. If anything, I need prayer for peace. I need prayers for patience. I need prayers that in whatever way God wants things to happen, God gives me the strength to move forward and be strong.
Right now I just want to quit everything. I feel like I have taken a certain person in my life for granted and now it's biting me in the you-know-where. I feel that because of what I have chosen to do will cost me someone very close to me, if it hasn't already. I mean I can't stand my life much longer this way, how could I expect others too? The path of life is not worth it to me without someone to share it with. I just want to be stable. I want to have options open. I'm tired of doors slamming in my face without another one in site. Where's the other door that's open? Did I drive by it too fast? Was my head stuck in a book when I was supposed to be looking? Was I having a really horrible day and couldn't see anything but the next test or clinical experience coming up to notice it?
Now it's as if all that momentum to do well is failing, and I just want to quit and take a break, but I can't. It's just not monetarily feasible. Tuition is paid and I wouldn't get much back. I'm a little lacking in the strength department, and I'm finding myself very vulnerable. I'm insecure and feeling VERY alone. I know God's here next to me, but I can't feel anything but loneliness.
I've learned that the older I'm getting, the harder it is to find single friends who can be supportive. There are just not that many of them anymore. I have come very far in my journey, but I finding it hard to continue to push, and the end goals seems so far away. Help.
PS Good news: My brother was released from the hospital, but he still has a long road of recovery before they can do anything more.
Right now I just want to quit everything. I feel like I have taken a certain person in my life for granted and now it's biting me in the you-know-where. I feel that because of what I have chosen to do will cost me someone very close to me, if it hasn't already. I mean I can't stand my life much longer this way, how could I expect others too? The path of life is not worth it to me without someone to share it with. I just want to be stable. I want to have options open. I'm tired of doors slamming in my face without another one in site. Where's the other door that's open? Did I drive by it too fast? Was my head stuck in a book when I was supposed to be looking? Was I having a really horrible day and couldn't see anything but the next test or clinical experience coming up to notice it?
Now it's as if all that momentum to do well is failing, and I just want to quit and take a break, but I can't. It's just not monetarily feasible. Tuition is paid and I wouldn't get much back. I'm a little lacking in the strength department, and I'm finding myself very vulnerable. I'm insecure and feeling VERY alone. I know God's here next to me, but I can't feel anything but loneliness.
I've learned that the older I'm getting, the harder it is to find single friends who can be supportive. There are just not that many of them anymore. I have come very far in my journey, but I finding it hard to continue to push, and the end goals seems so far away. Help.
PS Good news: My brother was released from the hospital, but he still has a long road of recovery before they can do anything more.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The other side
About a week to the day I found out my brother was admitted to the hospital for TBI secondary to TIA's. They did an MRI three weeks before and found nothing, three weeks later they found lesions/bleeding the parietal, temporal, and occipital areas of the brain. He's been in ICU for a week now and last night they moved him to a MED-SURG floor. I guess they kept him in ICU so long because he needed to be supervised, but really he just need a sitter and could have been out as soon as Sunday in my opinion. (My mom agrees and she's an APN.) Anyway, it was strange being on the other side of the experience: NS to family member of patient in the hospital, but I also felt more useful just because I understood more about what was going on.
He is getting better as the blood is reabsorbed, but it's hard to tell because they keep sedating him so he doesn't over react to his confusion (being that there is a problem interferring with his mental faculties.) I can't believe the Dr.'s even considered putting him in the psych ward because of his confusion, when the problem is primarly neurological injury (two completely different types of floors in hospitals.) At least they decided correctly and went with Med-Surg. My mom and I would have not stood for otherwise. Personally I think he needs to be at another bigger hospital more capable of handling his situation specifically. I know because that was my last rotation.
Anyway, pray that his healing progresses so that then more tests can be run to find out what area is the focal point of his seizures so they can successfully perform surgery (if possible) and alleviate the problem which put him in the hospital in the first place. (Run on sentences are fun!)
He is getting better as the blood is reabsorbed, but it's hard to tell because they keep sedating him so he doesn't over react to his confusion (being that there is a problem interferring with his mental faculties.) I can't believe the Dr.'s even considered putting him in the psych ward because of his confusion, when the problem is primarly neurological injury (two completely different types of floors in hospitals.) At least they decided correctly and went with Med-Surg. My mom and I would have not stood for otherwise. Personally I think he needs to be at another bigger hospital more capable of handling his situation specifically. I know because that was my last rotation.
Anyway, pray that his healing progresses so that then more tests can be run to find out what area is the focal point of his seizures so they can successfully perform surgery (if possible) and alleviate the problem which put him in the hospital in the first place. (Run on sentences are fun!)
Monday, May 14, 2007
Beginnings
Well it's the beginning of what will hopefully be my second to last semester. With any luck, I'll be done in December. So many hurtles to overthrow, I hope I make it. I'll only be able to do it with God's help that's for sure.
On another note, I might be moving at the end of the summer. So yet again, I'm proving to be a woman of many changes... seems constant. I was joking with Grams that my life might be quite entertaining as part of a soap opera. It seems there aren't many days that something dramatic doesn't happen. Today was pretty quiet, other than I started one of my two courses for the summer. If I make it, only 2 more to go. Then of course there are also boards. Craziness I tell you!
How I ever made it through working full time and taking 12 credit hours and doing well, I'll never know. But it's done, I think the worst is over. I don't plan to work this summer and if I do, it will be VERY minimal. I can devote all of my energies for one goal instead of many. Keep praying. It's working ;)
On another note, I might be moving at the end of the summer. So yet again, I'm proving to be a woman of many changes... seems constant. I was joking with Grams that my life might be quite entertaining as part of a soap opera. It seems there aren't many days that something dramatic doesn't happen. Today was pretty quiet, other than I started one of my two courses for the summer. If I make it, only 2 more to go. Then of course there are also boards. Craziness I tell you!
How I ever made it through working full time and taking 12 credit hours and doing well, I'll never know. But it's done, I think the worst is over. I don't plan to work this summer and if I do, it will be VERY minimal. I can devote all of my energies for one goal instead of many. Keep praying. It's working ;)
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Rebuild
Today, during my one of my last clinical experiences for the Spring, God sent me some important messages that it seems I've been waiting my whole life to hear or maybe I was just ready to hear them. I went to a conference today and it was full of insight and valuable knowledge for me to use and take with me. Keep praying though, I need all I can get because I'm not in the clear yet. Thanks!
Friday, May 04, 2007
Cascade
I am in a state of shock. Totally appalled, flabergasted, hurt, upset... Nothing could have prepared me for what I have experienced these last two days. I'm sorry I cannot be specfic. All I can do is to sit and idly stare at a movie so that I do not think on the experiences that I had no idea were coming, that I had no idea could possibly ever occur. Ever.
All I can do is wait. All I can do is nothing. There is absolutely nothing I can do. This cannot be fixed, forgotten, forgiven. I just don't see it. I need God's help to get me through this. God is all there is left of hope.
Someone told me when one door closes, another opens. Someone told me when we have hard times it is a way that we are tested in life. God is testing me, and the test is long and it's a test only a genius could master. I cannot change roads any faster, well, I think I'm on the wrong road. It's really bumpy. One of my tires has gone flat, and my engine is overheating. Can I make it to the next service station?
Pray.
All I can do is wait. All I can do is nothing. There is absolutely nothing I can do. This cannot be fixed, forgotten, forgiven. I just don't see it. I need God's help to get me through this. God is all there is left of hope.
Someone told me when one door closes, another opens. Someone told me when we have hard times it is a way that we are tested in life. God is testing me, and the test is long and it's a test only a genius could master. I cannot change roads any faster, well, I think I'm on the wrong road. It's really bumpy. One of my tires has gone flat, and my engine is overheating. Can I make it to the next service station?
Pray.
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